You got it all, then why ain’t you happy?

Ask me not, what it means.
As I won’t be able to say-

Anything else, but this…
… …
Yes, I got it all… But I ain’t happy.

You ask me why? I tell ya this.
I have learned and have become a learned.

I have got a degree, and I flaunt it.

But I make no good of all my learning.

I do no good to anyone unlearned.

I got no idea to bring a big change.

I follow, I follow, and that’s all it is,

For me in my life, I need not to be this.
I’ve got a job. And I earn well.

My life is way better than the majority albeit.

Then why, when people respect me, I don’t.

Why, I care not, when I care the most.

I love the job that I do. And I’m good at it too.

Then why the boredom creeps in, sneaking.
Yes, I’ve got it all. And I’m not happy.

May be, I’m not sad. But, that ain’t it, is it?

I tell stories, that ya can’t relate to,

And I wait, for ya to say thank you,

Wish I could inspire, love, touch your heart,

Wish I could believe that can be loved.
It is not so easy for me to be me,

When the me I am, finds the me not me…

Yes, I’ve got it all, and I’m thinking-

May be, I’m wrong, but I am, isn’t it?

I want not to be anyone else, but wait-

Do I want, at all, to be me instead?
When I sing, when I hum, when I whistle-

I live. For fraction of time, I see me bright,

Before the music brings out the pain,

The pain that is not real, nonexistent.

Yes, I’ve got it all, and I’m waiting,

For someone to tell me that I have,

For I believe that I can find love-

In my life. But wait- do I really?
Yes, I don’t understand it myself,

I’ve got it all, then why does it feel so not?

Like the birds, I want to fly,

Like the wind, I want to touch the sky,

While the world waits for it to end,

I wait for that time, when I begin.

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Dancing with (Un)known

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It was last evening of Year 2015. I was sitting in my office and was waiting for the call from my friend about the confirmation for the night’s plan. My friend had invited me to join his group for the new year party.

He called and confirmed about the time, place and people invited. I knew no one except my friend. I agreed anyway…

It felt like ages since I had been happy or had lived my life fully after completing my studies and have joined the race of earning money. So, even if I had to join a group of complete strangers, I would not have resisted that night.

When we reached the spot, they recognized me; probably my friend would have told them about me. We introduced each other. I tried to get their names, but the music was too loud… 😛 I couldn’t think about anything else but to go inside and start jumping (my form of dancing :D)

I was about to dance on DJ music – something that I hadn’t done publicly since junior school. Incidents from past life had made me so that I couldn’t be myself in front of anyone…

With little hesitation in the beginning, I started dancing to the beats. It was easy to dance (which I am very bad at) in front of these people as I didn’t know anyone. I didn’t care what they will think about me. I didn’t care if they laugh at my bad steps. I didn’t care about anything but just letting myself go crazy. The beats created rhythmic waves inside me and I couldn’t stop enjoying myself. Oh yes I missed this…!

Soon the strangers turned out to be great friends and it never felt like we were meeting for the first time that night.

While I was dancing, a person from my behind nagged me. I turned around and she said “Can you dance away from me? You’re hitting me constantly!” in a language crude than this.

I apologized and switched places with one of our group member on the opposite side of our circle. After some time, I felt that hits again from my behind. When I looked back, it was the same girl with that same group. They moved all the way from one end to the other of our 12 people circle…! And not only that accused me for touching her, twice!!!

I switched place again. And inside I felt totally vulnerable. There was no one who would trust me that I didn’t do anything to her! Only my friends trusted me as they saw what happened. But what about others? Everyone around me would have thought that I was the bad person. Being a male, it was so easy to get accused of something (as everyone would have assumed that), and so difficult to accuse someone in the opposite gender (as no one would believe that such a thing can happen)! I wondered about women empowerment for a while and then continued dancing…

The night continued till early dawn. It had brought me thrill, laughter, silent smiles, understanding nods, shouts and shocks, chilly winter winds and satisfaction of the night. But above all, it brought me freedom from the fake self that I had build around me. It helped me come out of that closed box and live my life fully, without considering anything about people around me… It helped me overcome the fear of “What will others think?”.

As the countdown began, I rejoiced the change in me…

Truly, a ‘New’ Year for me… This year of mine is dedicated to breaking the rules that I made in my life, to breaking the boundaries created around me.

Happy New Year folks. 🙂

When You’re Sleeping

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Sleeping means giving rest to your mind and body. You’re at peace in your mind when you’re asleep (although nowadays, we hardly sleep peacefully). But when we sleep peacefully, lot of things happen around us.

For example, our Earth rotates half of its rotation! So here’s a list of things happening around you when you’re sleeping…

– Drifting of poo-poo: Probably the oldest and the commonest thing to happen in our sleep, when we were kids. 😛

– Moved to bed: Remember that time when you were so tired that you slept on anything and anywhere you find a place to lie down, but still when you wake up, you’d find yourself on your bed. Sweet memories, isn’t it? 🙂

– Nightmares: You see done horrible and scary nightmares during your sleep… Sometimes they are so weird that we doubt on our nightmare while we are sleeping itself!

– Fairy dreams: Dreams are not always bad. Sometimes, dream comes with such sweet and pleasant images, that our face puts on a smile even when are asleep 🙂

– Tooth Fairies: Remember the first time your tooth fell down? And then putting it below our pillows for the Tooth Fairies… 😉 And in the morning the Tooth turns to money, something we loved…

– Toothpaste fight: This one is kinda funny, but some toothpaste say that they fight against evil germs in our mouth throughout the night. Well, they don’t… 😛

– Tick-tock (clock) keeps on ticking (time keeps on passing)

– Your brain and heart keep on functioning so that you see the next morning

– Bones grow: They say kids grow maximum during their sleep

– Mosquitoes have their dinner party 😛

– The kid sneaks in to the kitchen to eat that ice cream kept in the freezer 😉

– Tomorrow’s To-do’s starts listing in our brain (hate this one)

– Our loved ones give us cuddles and kisses, and admire our love in their life

– Mother checks on your sleep: This probably you know very well, your mother gets up almost every night to check on you and your sleep, mostly when you’re sick…

– Father checks on your naught: Yes they do it too… But they check on your naught, if you know what I mean ;P

– Click click on picture of our crush, ah, those sleepless nights…

– Tap tap by new love-birds doing late night chats 😉

– Someone is working hard to put his dream into reality while some people are still struggling to get on their life

– Friends plan to wake you up on your birthday with cake on your face or even something bigger 😛

– Roommates make fun of your sleeping postures, make videos and share online or even blackmail you 😀

– Bed partner gets annoyed of your snores, that sound like atom bombs 😀

– Night’s dinner reflects deaths of millions through air bombs 😛

– Our parents finally get the time they so love of getting, their privacy 😛

– Silent death of the person…

– (For me…) While I’m sleeping, all of a sudden such idea sprouts in my mind. I wake up in amazement, although eyes not so open 😉 I start the screen and start keying the idea in to words, at least try to… 😛

– Santa Clause: Ho Ho Ho! Christmas time! How can we forget our Santa! He comes while we are asleep and puts gifts for us under our Christmas Tree… Amazing 🙂

P.s.: (I don’t know why all I adding this P.s.) Today morning when I woke up, I lifted my pillow to find below a Cadbury. But then I remembered that my mom was not with me here in this city, to become my Secret Santa, to keep a chocolate under my pillow when I’m asleep… when I called her to wish her, she told me she had purchased the chocolate, but there was no pillow to keep it under… 😦

Anyway, Merry Christmas!
(Spend all your time with your loved ones, not at the f*?#ing job)

Colder outside the blanket

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Winter is at its best now. The streets are calmer and the sky is empty. People prefer to go home early. Birds stay inside their cozy chambers instead of buzzing around in the sky. Friends hanging out tend to remain inside the walls now. We sleep early and wake late. We love our warm blankets so much that it becomes hard to let go of them in the morning!

And that is where I found myself yesterday morning… I was wide awake already. It had been almost an hour now that I was playing inside my warm and cozy blanket just because it was colder outside…

I was late by more than two hours that day at office. When I pondered on the reasons, I found that it was mainly due to my morning mollycoddled manners! So last night I tried something else. I didn’t use my blanket. And guess what! The morning was fresher than yesterday’s (although the night was not that cozy)…

Why am I sharing this? ‘Coz this is exactly how life goes…

We are fond of being pampered. From childhood, our parents pamper us, our friends do it too… We hardly like to cross that line of coziness and step on to more difficult ways of life. We like things as they are – simple, comfortable and cozy. And when they don’t, we feel like it is our “bad” time.

We slower ourselves by falsifying care and pampering ourselves instead! We use easy techniques and shortcuts. We fear the idea of facing our fear which can help us overcoming our fear… (Wasn’t it confusing? 😛 ) We dread doing something out of the line. We don’t try any new method just because we are comfortable with the old one.

We all do this! We all dread change. We love comfort. Just look around you, you’ll find several people doing this… Pampering our body, pampering our mind and even pampering our thinking – we stop ourselves from getting hurt by not trying anything at all!

So people, get up! Don’t pamper yourself or anyone else… Not even your kids! Let us and let them learn it the hard way, let them find their own way, their our solution and then if necessary guide them with your experience. But don’t coddle them…

We do not do several things in life just because we would have to come out of our comfort zone. Do them now! Come out of your pampered world.

I don’t really tell my readers to do this, I guess this is the first time… Share this idea with anyone you see pampering anyone. Tell him how he is tying himself to a Cannonball before running the race.

Remember, it is always colder outside the blanket.

Fryday

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Today’s Friday. Oh Sorry! Fryday… Why “Fry”day? You’ll know in the end.

… … …

I was going through my phone’s internal storage to clean-up unnecessary junk. In that I found a video of ‘How do we feel Fridays vs Mondays’. I laughed at that again.. It was damn funny! A penguin depicting a person going home fridays and a polar bear depicting a person coming to office on Mondays.

I replayed the video again and again. And slowly my laugh subsided. I saw that “Going home Friday” part repeatedly. And I couldn’t actually relate it to me. I too, like others, had Friday as the last working day in the week. I too, like others, went home at the day end. But, unlike others, I didn’t feel the way they did.

For me Fridays were Frydays… The day I would be so engraved in troubles that you wouldn’t find me smiling at all. All my weekdays would go in unnecessary ‘Stretches’ that my boss makes me do telling some or other ‘priority’ reason. Everyday, to complete some or other ‘urgent’ issue, we have to leave office early after late…

And then on Fridays, when we are waiting for the day to end and go back to our ‘actual’ ‘normal’ ‘our own personal’ life, we are fried with different oils in the frying pan called ‘office’!

… … …

I was getting ready for the office. Today we had a casual-wear day. I dressed up in my comfortable jeans. Just when I was about to leave for the office, I got a SMS from office. “Today, we may give a presentation to the client. So do the needful”

I changed back to formals and went out of the house, looking like an idiot!

… … …

I walked to the boss to give him the status report on the assignment he mailed me last night after office hours… When I enquired about today’s agenda, which he quickly shared with me, he even added “Why do you ask? I hope you are not planning to leave early today! ‘Cuz there’s a very important client meeting I need you to attend and conquor!” I wasn’t even dreaming to leave before 9 p.m. today, but just that I thought that may be, if I do not have too much work load, I’ll leave, may be, at 7 or 8 in the night… (FYI Official working hours are 9 a.m. to 6 p.m.)
I shook my head and he sat back in his comfortable in satisfaction. I walked back to my desk, turned on the computer and saw the desktop background. It was a sunset at some random beach with beautiful natural scenery. So much in contrast with the real world!

… … …

After lunch, we and my fellow collegues, went on a walk, ‘cuz it was still a few minutes that the lunch break would be over. Mr. Fate send yet another boss to my way who asked me “Why are you not on your desk!?” I was about to say “Why aren’t you?” but my bloody mouth replied “It is break time, Sir!” the last word with utmost difficulty!
He gave me a disgusting look and left… I thought I’d have better replied the other statement, ‘cuz anyway the look he gave was the same!

… … …

I was working on something, when all of a sudden a shadow blocked the light falling on my desk. I knew who it was, so I continued working without moving my head around. It stayed there for a minute or so, then went away.
Instantly I received a call from the boss “In my cabin.. QUICK!” I went there, and he was ready to ‘ask that statement’ which I hate the most! My Fryday was ready…

“You are coming tomorrow, right?”

The question mark is only to make the grammer correct. Otherwise, it was a statement, for which I must reply in conformity!

I asked him instead “Sir, I don’t have any urgent work that I need to come on weekends!”

“You don’t decide urgency here! I do! I don’t want to hear anything more…”

I stood there for sometime, and then calculating my odds, went back to my desk to continue working…

… … …

I think, I’ve made my point, How my Fridays were Frydays for me!

I read a nice para somewhere-

“Love your job, but don’t love your company… Because you may not know when your company stops loving you.”

Always Leave Office On Time

1. Work is a never-ending process. It can never be completed.
2. Interest of a client is important, so is your family.
3. If you fail in your life, neither your boss nor client will offer you a helping hand; your family and friends will.
4. Life is not only about work, office and client. There is more to life. You need time to socialize, entertain, relax and exercise. Don’t let life be meaningless.
5. A person who stays late at the office is not a hardworking person. Instead he / she is a fool who does not know how to manage work within stipulated time. He / she is inefficient and incompetent in his work.
6. You did not study hard and struggle in life to become a machine.
7. If your boss forces you to work late, he / she may be ineffective and have a meaningless life too…

But it doesn’t give any way to tackle the blood-sucking boss…

… … …

If you press a spring too much, it will break or will bounce back with higher force… – Some Great Man.

Rickshaw Party!

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Another tiring and boring day ended. I was walking on the road, playing foot-stone (football with stone). I was going home, which was a 6 kms run. Occasionally, I looked back to see whether I could find a mode of transportation to get me to my home. It was late night’s time, so the town was deserted, and I had rather pessimistic thought in my mind that I won’t be able to find any means.

I had walked probably 1 km by now. I kicked the stone hard that it flew away on the other side of the road. I looked around me to find another stone, just when a rickshaw came and stood by me.

Rickshaw was beaming with blue neon lights and a disco ball (small in size) hanging over the driver. I looked at the interiors more keenly and found that it had a 3.1 surround sound system installed at the back. The seats were of bright red colour. Even there was a red carpet on the floor of the back seat. The walls of the back seat had pictures of famous and beautiful actresses. The driver was wearing a grey jacket and white T-shirt over his blue jeans.

I told the driver about my intended destination. He agreed almost instantly. I took the rickshaw and it started. I was little less willing to sit in that rickshaw ‘cuz these kinds usually play music genre I don’t like and that too with loud noise (not volume). So I usually get headache after travelling in such rickshaws. But as it was night time, and I was almost gonna walk 6 kms due to dearth of transportation at this hour, I decided to take a chance.

The amazing ride started. He switched gears in odd numbers. I wondered whether he had broken the record of race cars to reach 100 MPH in 3 seconds..!? 😛

He switched on his music-box. A not so soothing and not so enjoyable number emerged from it. I almost squeezed my ears in pain. That noise was so irritating that I shouted at the driver to stop the rickshaw. He lowered the volume and asked me what happened.

Another passenger stopped the rickshaw. So I managed to avoid the question. The rickshaw began to move. The song changed. It was now a Bollywood hit number. I sighed in relief. The driver raised the volume to that level that nothing else was audible. I felt like I’m at a disco. The loud music soon turned from a headache to a stimulating factor. I started singing and whistling. My fellow passenger also started enjoying the song. We were moving left-right in sync to the music beats. The driver joined us in his way by doing some “ho-ha”…

I thought of something while enjoying the DJ night… How beautiful are these sounds that when mixed in a wrong sequence are called noise and when mixed in a right way, can lead to miracles…

Finally I reached my destination (ignoring the other two passengers who switched my earlier fellow passenger and who gave me and the driver a hard time.). I was unwilling to leave that track halfway. But I had no option. I paid the fare and let the rickshaw go.

I felt fresh and joyful, which was quite in contrast to the normal ‘me’ every night after office. I had worked the same hours and the same load of files and projects. I wasted my eyes in front of a computer screen (instead of nature) for the same amount of time. But I felt not a pinch of miserable!

Why can’t each day end in such a splash that we can get over our hard times faced during the whole day? At least it will give you a peaceful sleep at night and you’ll wake up smiling…

So ‘bhaktjano’.. (AKA readers) 😛 My free advice for this time is do something you love to do everyday. Don’t let the day end in despair. Let music be in the air… 🙂

What if I cleared?!

 

I am pursuing a professional course wherein the pass percentage all over the country comes in a single digit. So you’ll understand there’s a tremendous pressure on us before the exams, during the exams and even after the exams till the results come. (And the pressure doesn’t even wears off after we pass because the industry is such, even after studying hard for these 5 years at a stretch, you’ll have to price yourself so that you may be accepted in the market, it is not that you clear and, bingo you get paid…) So our life, sort of, becomes a pressure-cooker! In which every now and then whistle blows up relieving our inner bubbled feelings or erupting out the silent volcano.

Anyways, the most crucial period is the time between your completion of exam and the results been awaited. It’s the time when you can either make for you a perfect life or you can blow away everything that you’ve got.

At this point everyone would be praying, dreaming and planning about what the result would be. Some people might be just enjoying the free time. But all of them would be having a mental trauma which never allows them to have a peaceful sleep at night. Everyone of them, at least at some point of time in the day, think about the same and fear the uncertainty of the result, and ever the consequences if they fail!

In all these scary thoughts, people get time to enjoy themselves and chill with those dear ones, friends, whom we have so avoided during past 6 months! We almost feel sorry that avoiding them actually didn’t have any effect on our studies and consequently won’t have effect on out result. But still, with the constant pressure from our parents (not in my case), teachers (hell yes) and people at office (screw them!), and even our imaginary people called ‘society’! All of them haunts us so heavily, that we accept sacrificing everything that we have in order to get that stupid certificate! And we never understand that was it worth it?! (The standard saying “We value things only when they’re gone!” But no one has ever told us to value things that we don’t even have yet!)

All in all, people usually think about the future in this break. But I was different. I feared the future too, but not that if I fail! What if I passed!? This fear haunted me more than anything has ever!

I made a simple mind-map of the consequences that might arise if I cleared the exam. And to my astonishment, I was unhappy in every situation! If I fail, that was obvious, but even if I passed, I was miserable!

If I passed what would happen? My family and friends would be happy! But I won’t because I never felt happy of my academics achievements, don’t know why! But always felt like that’s just like we eat or bath or sleep, we study also! No big deal!!

What would happen then? I would be expected to find a good job! Looking to the current situation in the market, the population, the unemployment and people’s mindset, it was very difficult to find a good job without sacrificing something (be it money, place, relations, time or respect!) And all were important for me! And even if I got a good job, I won’t be satisfied ever! Because ultimately, I would be supposed to do the same boring work relating my profession every single day for the rest of my life! Nothing creative, no innovation but just application! What’s so great about it!! I start feeling bores just by hearing the word “work” (I won’t use the word here!). What would happen if I become one!?!

And after getting employed, there are millions of expectations, requirements and obligations! I have to at least earn that much so that I can at least cover my fixed expenses! (Break-even point) and what if in this economy where price rise is as common as day and night, will I be able to survive with that break-even income! What would happen to my family then!

And finally, you start getting proposals for your own death celebration! (They call it marriage.) Marriage, the biggest blunder, the ultimate time (life, actually) waste, the thing that is hell scary all in itself! And no matter how many problems there are in this marriage, but you HAVE to do it!! Thus, marriage becomes your headache all by itself! (Why so? I’ll write about it soon..)

When you’re are able to recover from this again a haunt comes in form of Regulations and rules of the institution I’ll be part of! If you go through the whole “code” thing, you’ll find that they are actually telling you to stop “living” and just concentrate your whole life on “work”! We can’t follow our hobbies, we can’t publish our names, our art or our contribution in creativity in this world! Actually the course is so marvelously designed that it kills your creativity and makes a person a total bore and antisocial!!

Besides, you never actually stop studying in my profession, with every change in the calendar, there is change in the data based on which you are supposed to work! You will never have time to do anything else in this world! But just you and your work! I’ve seen people in my profession who meet their own children once a year on their birthdays ‘cuz, when children are home, person is at office and when he returns home, they are already deep asleep! In the morning again the same situation that one is asleep and other had to go to work, whatever it may be! Some are even unlucky enough that they can’t even meet their family on occasions like birthday or new year! What’s the use of such profession that you can’t even live your life happily, screw what the profession accounts in country’s growth! Everyone who is working will contribute anyway!

And when we finally are able to overcome such fears, we hear stories of successful people who have not even studied their graduations! (You would say that they have to work hard other ways, true, but at least they are free to do what they want in their own way!) (Not like us that we even have code for how we speak or write or behave!)

And if you ask all these points to others who are already in the profession, they would surely deny these ‘facts’! ‘Cuz it is too late for them to have fulfill their childhood fairy-dreams! And they want that others too should not be able to as they have not! Bloody sadists, not by nature, but by effect of time the profession has upon them! Don’t blame them…

And so engrossed in such fears I try to live my life “normally”, just then, there are millions of people in this world who keep on asking me how was your exam, what are you planning to do after result, what is your goal, what would you like to do, etc. Questions..! Let me tell you what I’d like to do – I’d like to punch him in his face and kick his butt! My all efforts to forget my fears are wasted by these kind of people who just “casually” come and screw me!

What would happen if I clear my exams? Umm… Who cares!!