Fear of Tests

Fear of Tests

No matter what test it is, there’s always a fear of test crawling into my confidence, slowly weakening it.
… ….

No matter what kinda test that I’m supposed to give, there will always be a fear of test imbibed into my inner self, crawling over my confidence and slowly weakening it.

The fear of test doesn’t go away as we grow up. It stays, hidden, ready to attack whenever another test or task comes up. It was so dearly implanted and nurtured by parents, teachers and society during my education years that now it is almost impossible for me to ignore it.

Usually, we sense this fear as soon as we get to hear the word – test or any of its synonyms. We feel so dejected by the fact that we are supposed to be giving a test soon. And that is not just the only food to feed this fear.

No matter how meager the value of the test is or how less it’s gonna impact our life, everything around us conspires to make it such a big deal for us in our lives that we also believe in that!

When it comes to giving a test, there’s always a cost of exam attached. Hence, we fear that our expense might not yeild proper return if we don’t clear the exam in the first attempt.

Our family members keep on reminding us about our exams and that we should be working for it, that we should be practicing for it. It keeps on hitting our gut so hard that the test is such a big deal and we won’t be able of clear it is we don’t try hard.

On the day of exam, our mom brings ‘dahi shakkar’, giving us best wishes for the exam. But that too reminds you of the exam, the seriousness, if you have forgotten it.

This all happened with me recently… I had my driving test.

I don’t own a car. I haven’t had driven car ever in my life. I took driving classes, which were pretty bad actually. And I didn’t have any practice for the driving test. And I can go on and on giving excuses for my lack of preparation for the test. But yes, I did have that fear of test even in this case.

All the events that I narrated above happened with me, except ‘dahi shakkar’. But yes, praying before God happened in my case, that’s the way we do it in my family instead of ‘dahi shakkar’.

Then all the fear accumulated and came out while giving the test in various forms like perspiration, heavy breathing, and haste and lack of confidence. My mind went blank and I did miserably at the things I was good at actually. The result was negative. And I came home with my first failure in life.

People say that failures are very important if you want to achieve something big. Well, it certainly didn’t feel anything like that. I let. E while episode pass by and thought it to be just a driving test. Not a big deal. But the fear of tests was not to be defeated so easily.

As soon as I came home, my mom came out running, eagerness on her face… She had already assumed my result to be positive. And it took me great effort to prove it to her that I was saying the truth when I said I failed.

Then her expression turned from eagerness to worrisome bothersome tension. That expression which can give you goosebumps instantly inside your head. The fear of test started to creep into me again.

She asked me several questions about what went wrong. I sincerely answered. Then she gave several advices on how I should have taken up this task and explained to me how poorly I had practiced and what were all the flaws in my methodology.

After an hour of discussion from her side, and listening from my side, I actually started to feel bad about not clearing the test. And that was another food for my fear of tests.

Then I spent the whole day thinking about the whole episode and it bothered me to much to not have cleared it at one go. I was already scared for my next attempt. And that was when I had lost the game… even before playing it.

All the people who knew about my driving test asked me questions for the next whole week. And they never let me conquer over the fear of tests in my mind. All of that made the roots of that fear strong and well established in my guts.

The constant nagging, reminding of the tests, setting of expectations and my good self nature of trying to honor their expectations, all the time, made it worse.
I was on the verge of breakdown… When my friend talked with me about it and laughed. She said what’s the big deal about a driving test! It doesn’t even impact you in anyway serious… I calmed down for a bit.

But people were always trying to bring out the fear from deep inside my heart… For it never dies. It stays, lives with us, feeds on our confidence and helps us in every way possible to fail the test. Brings us all the pain of not meeting the expectations and the mockery & harrasment from society.

So I dedicate this failure to all those who helped me not forget my fear for tests and to all those who have made sure that the fear stays with me forever… Thank you.

A Visit to the Human Shop

How the world would have been if we were not at the top of the food chain…

A animal kid narrates down his day’s experience at the human shop.

… …

I was very excited that day. I had never been to a Human Shop before. My friends told me that it’s a paradise for shopping for human products. You can find all the articles ans artifacts made from or relating to humans.

At the entrance, there was a huge statue of human. He looked so cute, and even more delicious! I wondered how others can be vegetarian! I felt the hunger as soon as I saw this little fellow…

I entered the main hall and whoa! I was left open-jawed! So many shops… So many shops!! (Repeated for emphasis)

The place was filled with animals of all kinds. From carnivores to herbivores, from four legged to two legged, from land animals to birds… It was a carnival at that place.

I understood that the crowd was due to the announcement last week about a special sale on human products this whole week. No one in their right mind would let such an opportunity pass.

My eyes instantly went to the apparels store. I couldn’t stop myself from rolling my paws over the smooth human skinned jacket. The smell of the skin was so overwhelming.

I grabbed the jacket and went to the trial room. And as soon as I put it on, it felt a part of my body. I couldn’t let it go away from myself.

Wow and they had brought new collection! So many patterns of beautifully made human skin apparels! I just wanted them all…

I looked for the stuff I wanted. But it was hard to overlook other collection as well. The shopaholic in me was coming out of the cocoon.

Main shopping being done at the apparels store, next I went too the food section, my personal favourite…

Ah the smell of hot human fries and human spicy delight..! I couldn’t resist myself from dancing and hopping towards the smell.

I ordered Eyeball salad for starters along with some wine, and started scanning the menu for next dish to order.

While choosing from so many options, I even got carried away by the snapshots of human dishes printed on the menu. I hoped this restaurant made these dishes as tasty as they looked good in these pictures.

I finally ordered my favourite saucy finger-rolls and crunchy meat balls.

While the cook inside was testing my patience, I looked around to see what was happening. All sorts of animals were having a fun time. I saw kids playing with their human hand toy, beating each other. While two adults were discussing business in a corner. And next to me a young dog couple was tasting each other’s parts.

The doors of the kitchen opened and I headed the cries of those humans while the cook was trying to get the hold of it to chop his head off. Poor thing I felt, but tasty my stomach said… After all, what good use are they otherwise!

My order finally arrived and I ate each piece of human with utmost delight. That taste of its roasted skin, that crunch of its deep fried pieces and those delicious finger-rolls… With chili sauce! Yummm!

Now that my stomach was satisfied, I switched back to shopping.

My friends had also shared with me about a human pet shop. I went to that section and saw to my surprise, there were so many human pets available there.

There were cute ones, new-born ones, athlete ones and simple homely types. I observed each one of them. It is said that you can’t just choose your pet, your pet should choose you too.

It happened with me. A new born one looked at me and I looked at it. It was so cute and so innocent. I instructed the shopkeeper to open the cage and let me try my luck with this little human.

When I took it in my hand, it cuddled me so innocently. I felt like it was telling me to take him away from this cage. I purchased my first pet…

I also bought a nice iron strap to tie its upper body. It would be risky to trust a human without precautions.

As I was going out, I saw a huge and scary human. It was uttering something in anger. I asked the shopkeeper why was it so weird. The shopkeeper replied that it was a blood-hound type. It was used as a security helper. Usually by police, they were very good at protective instincts.

I felt good that humans are useful in several distinctive ways. Good we animals discovered so many ways of using these humans!!

Next I went to the furniture shop. My dad had asked me to buy some good human heads to hang on the walls of our office. It brings good luck they said.

But it wasn’t easy to buy human heads. They had to be cleaned and washed with chemicals so that they don’t smell or get spoiled due to defabrication.
I bought a few other items like fresh human hair, some household items from the Bones store. The bones store here was famous for having freshly extracted bones which were thrice chemically washed and polished to keep them shiny and dust-free.

My time was running out. I went to the last section for the day – the Human Zoo.

Here, at The Human Shop, the Zoo was way different than the normal Zoo outside. It was a museum cum exhibition cum sanctuary of different kinds of humans. All races, all types of humans were collected from different parts of the world and showcased here.

There was a history section were we could see the artificially made sculptures of extinct human races. I read few of the exhibits and found them to be so informative.

There were few live human cages where we could see humans live and survive. The way humans communicated with each other was so weird. I couldn’t understand anything. But there are animals who study in this subject and they have researched that humans have highly developed communication techniques amongst other animals. Interesting, ain’t it?!

I moved on to the circus section of the Zoo where humans were trained and maintained to do entertaining and dangerous tricks.

The lion sir made a human stand on one leg with a whiplash. Then the human balanced with one leg on a ball! So cool!

Then Giraffe sir and Elephant sir threw the human over the ropes where it clinged on to the ropes and did some amazing stunts.

I wondered what humans would have done in this world if they were given complex brain structure like us animals…

Science sections had practical demonstrations of human body and their natural system.

In one show they showed human body and its parts by operating a live one infront of us. I couldn’t watch that sight so I moved on.

In another, they showed human reproducting system. Two humans were made to get intimate and the speaker explained how their natural breeding practice was similar to ours.

Everything there was so interesting and informative. But as we all know, time is never enough…

My day was over and now I had to go home. I took all my purchases and my pet with me to the cab pickup point.

I called a human cart. I instructed the handler to ride me to my destination. He whip-splashed the human hard enough that it jumped and started running at one instant. I personally hated the way these human were treated and beaten up for carting. But we didn’t have any other faster transportation.

Sometimes, we animals treat these humans in ways so in-animal. But what can be done..! After all, they were supposed to help us animals…

On my way home, I thought about how humans were exploited by us animals. I thought of so many ways in which the conditions could be made better. But this is what we all do, isn’t it? We just speak about it and do nothing…

I paid the cart handler and stroke the human on its back. It had tears in his eyes… Probably some day, things will turn out better for these human beings.

The Curious Case of my Sister

The Curious Case of my Sister

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Last night, I came to know that my cousin sister was suffering from depression. When my aunt narrated the whole case to me, I felt anger, worry and disgust at the same time for various things and people.

She is in her junior high school final year. Her final exams are going to decide her fate for high school admissions. Apart from the fact that those exams were necessary for her further studies, they got her into clinical depression. However, the exams were not the only reason for her illness. There were other reasons involved too.

—–

When I had last met her, she was doing her homework. Out of curiosity, I peeked into her work. She was writing word-to-word, punctuation-to-punctuation from the textbook into her notebook!

I asked her if she was given any punishment or what, that she was copying each letter out of the textbook.

She replied that this was the way they taught at her School. It was a general practice to write the whole chapter two times word-to-word from textbook. So that they could remember the whole text and answer any question they might ask in exams!

At that time, I had pointed out that it was not a correct approach and that she should work more on understanding the concept than on scoring marks in exams.

My sister replied that her School and her Board/University expects Students to write exactly the way the textbook prints. If they wanted a good score, they had to mug up the textbook to score good. Writing answers in their own way would only give them passing marks or even less. And if they don’t get good marks, they won’t get admission to reputed colleges/institutions. The degrees and certifications won’t be that valuable while competing for job in big companies, as they shortlist candidates based on their final score.

This highlights a serious problem with the education system in our country and the systems dependent on it.

—–

While her teaching approach was as useless as her teachers, another thing that got her into depression was lack of rest. I got to know her daily schedule from her mother.

– Wake up at 5 am
– 7 am to 12 School
– 12 to 2 pm Extra Classes and Tests at School
– 3 pm Reach home for her first regular meal of the day
– 4 to 6 pm Tuitions
– Reach home and start working on homework (such as copying of whole textbook) from School and Tuitions till late night 11-12.
– Then go to sleep dreaming about tomorrow’s day at school, taunts from teachers when she’s not able to recite word-by-word from the textbook and the test.

And after this hectic schedule, she was not even able to understand the practical implications of what she was studying! Her teachers would first humiliate her in front of the whole class and then call her parents, if she didn’t complete her homework or couldn’t recite the textbook fluently. And her teacher wouldn’t accept any other answer or concept suggested by other authors, but only the things written in their textbook.

—–

So the reasons that caused her depression were hectic schedule, pressure from teachers and school, pressure from society and future, illogical and orthodox educational and evaluation system and ignorance by parents.

I see our educational system going on a wrong direction of marks-based evaluation. Several tests, semesters and projects are loaded onto the over-occupied minds of students and then they are pressurized to score well. Competition among the students adds to the pressure and the silent support from parents serves as a multiplying factor.

So what can be done about it? Anything at all?

Please Daddy Please Mummy

(In words of a kid whose parents fight a lot…)

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Please Daddy, Please Mummy,
Please don’t fight…

From childhood I’ve been observing,
Since then I’ve been thinking,
Is it me or is it you,
That you both are still together!
As the way you fight on petty issues,
The way you disagree most of the time,
It doesn’t seem like there’s any understanding between you.
I cannot seem to recover from this regret,
Of not being able to make things right,
Please daddy, please mummy,
Please don’t fight…

I understand that petty fights are normal,
That it happens in all the relationships,
But then, other things also happen,
But not so in your case, mum-dad,
I don’t remember you two valuing each other,
For the other’s love and care,
But only bashing about each other’s flaws and faults…
I cannot sleep with such scenes in my head,
I try to close my eyes and make my dreams instead,
Please daddy, please mummy,
Please don’t fight…

I have concluded that marriage in life-
Is bound to fail, bound to break,
Why spoil the pair with several tugs, frequent attack,
My best friend and others try to make me understand,
But my mind is now stuck and I can’t take any other stand…
With each and every time you both argue,
I lose my trust in friendship and relationships,
I stopped believing in being together forever,
As for me, togetherness is not physical, but from within,
If you wanna change my beliefs, if you wanna make me right,
Please daddy, please mummy,
Please don’t fight…

I know mummy, Dad’s a jerk sometimes,
He gets angry at you for his own failures,
For he is now spoiled in bad troupe,
He smokes, and lies, and wastes money,
And blames you for everything wrong,
Without accepting his own flaws and faults,
But don’t you still love him like that?
Doesn’t he work hard everyday to fulfill your wishes?
Doesn’t he stand for you when needed?
You know he’s old and forgets a lot,
You know he is like that, and cannot be changed,
Then why do you care, why do you cry,
Just ignore him and move on, or else,
Be strong to tell him that he’s wrong…

I know daddy, mommy’s little irritating,
She confuses over little decisions,
She develops prejudice based on people’s look,
She ain’t as systematic and orderly as you,
But don’t you still love her like that?
Doesn’t she cleans your shit and makes your house livable?
Hasn’t she left her whole family to make one with you?
Don’t you think she feels lonely all day without you?
You know, like you, she’s getting old too,
Can’t you help her with her work? Or not increase it, at least?
Accept her with her flaws, or else-
Have guts to accept you own faults too,
But don’t croak, don’t mumble behind her back…

We all have flaws, we all have limitations,
We cannot be perfect, we cannot be other’s dream,
But don’t you know? People can never be perfect,
But relationships can be… We can make them perfect!
Either live with each other happily, or else-
Accept to leave each other and move on happy,
But don’t make things more complicated,
By living together unhappily…!
At least, for my sake, may be,
Please daddy, please mummy,
Please don’t fight…

I am scared of being closer to someone,
I run away of being tied to a relation,
I wander here and there for belongingness,
But as soon as I get it, I devalue it,
As I am corroded with the idea-
That Love never lasts…
Can you help me mummy?
Can you help me daddy?
In making me believe in feelings again?
Can you help me by not fighting again?

Please daddy, please mummy,
Please don’t fight…

The Concrete Jungle

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Sun was shining bright and it was a hot day. Bathing in my sweat, I was somehow managing to ride my bike in sunlight. I missed my childhood days when I could ride my bike in day time even. Now it is impossible to peddle in such temperature!

I reached my destination and entered the parking lot. It was an open area parking just besides the building. Lost in the song that was playing, I left behind the spot I park my bike at everyday. There are very few places in the parking lot that have tree shade on the vehicle. I had managed to find one such place which was ignored by all and left unoccupied everyday…

I rode back but hey.. I couldn’t find the place. Oh! The music takes me to some other world! I tried searching the place again and again but that place was gone. How can that be possible?

But then I got it… The tree was gone and not the place. I parked my bike in sunlight half-heartedly. And my day continued thereafter as usual.

Next day, again the same burning temperature and that search for a shaded parking space. But, failure repeated and so was half-hearted parking.

Day in day out, I observed parking lot was getting bigger view. And trees were reducing everyday. I enquired with the security personnel who informed me that they were cutting down the trees for increasing the parking area… (And they were actually cutting and not uprooting and planting back somewhere else.!)

That day, I saw a big article in the magazine about droughts in states which were once filled with water. On my way home, I saw school kids discussing about ‘Global Warming and its effects’, supposedly there school project, which was going to fetch them some marks. At home, when I read my evening newspaper, I saw news relating to water drainage problem in a city, criticizing the hardened authority which took no steps for it. Later at night, I watched a movie, a Sci-Fi on Earth and its destruction due to climatic change…

I wondered if everywhere the topic is on buzz… The people are well aware of the situation, the consequences and the measures to be taken… The kids are taught well in advance at the junior level itself about the global warming… Even the entertainment media is making presentations with some social and environmental message… Then why on earth, why are we not doing what we are supposed to do..?

Especially in our country, we make buildings, roads, bridges and all sorts of infrastructure using concrete and steel. So much of unused space, so much of unnecessary construction of huge buildings.. The wastage of space which could have been used to either plant more trees or to accommodate the needy in our country’s ever multiplying population…

Tree plantation programmed are launched every now and then. Thousands of trees are planted. But then they are left at nature’s care. Even we don’t know if those spaces declared for tree plantation is sold and converted into a shopping complex!

Building huge homes, office buildings with great open space, a gigantic shopping complex that can facilitate thousands of shoppers together.. And what’s the use? These buildings are double the size the humans actually need to accommodate themselves!

Instead just build a structure with reasonable space us and use the other area for making our planet green AGAIN… Unnecessary allocation of land for parking should be stopped and engineers, architects should come up with alternatives… Even the public in general should reduce using individual transportation and switch over to public transportation or pooling techniques; which again calls for government to be less corrupt and give proper ‘facility’ in the facility they say of providing!

I wish I don’t have to take birth as a human again…

P.s.: Saying Sorry to our Earth…

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Girl Infant speaking with God

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After the natural reproduction procedure I was formed inside my mother’s womb. I was still just an egg as of now, which had been hatched with male sperm. God gave the “life” inside my body structure. I started growing inside my mamma…

I don’t know what the world will be outside. I wondered what my mamma looked like. And then I even wondered how I would look like. I had never seen a human before. I asked God about it, but he never replied…

Slowly and gradually, I started growing. My body started taking its form. I could visualise how would I look like when I get outside this bag. But how would I get outside? There was no way going out! There was just one tiny opening from where I’m sure I won’t be able to go out! I again asked God about that, but he didn’t reply. Then I stopped asking God. Maybe he doesn’t answer to us. Maybe there is no such thing as God. But then who gave me life? Is it my Mother? Yes… it is my mother! She is carrying me inside her! Of course there’s no such thing as God! It is my mother… I was growing both physically and mentally now!

One day I felt much warm inside, actually it was getting hot! The walls of the bag started moving down. I got scared. So I tried to inform my mother by kicking with my legs on the walls of this bag. Nothing happened. It was getting hotter and hotter. Then all of a sudden it stopped. The walls were back to their normal position. I tried to hear what was going on outside. I put one of my ears to the walls and I heard someone crying. Who was crying? And why? After a while, I found out that it was my mamma crying. I started crying too! No mamma, don’t cry! I’m alright! The heat has subsided now! Don’t worry mamma!

But she didn’t stop crying. I heard another voices… they were scolding my mamma. They were cursing God! They were telling my mother a “bitch”, what was that? I heard more… A male voice said “You brought curse to our family! Why did you make this girl child! You fucking bitch!!” And there was an earthquake in the bag. The walls started moving abruptly. I fall on my face but thanks to my mamma, she has made the walls so soft that nothing hurt me. But what happened outside? Why such trembling here!? I asked my mamma…

My mamma was crying… She was talking to herself. She said “Why God!? Why did you give us a girl child!? Why did you do it! You know how bad it is for me and my family! Now they will kill her! They will kill me baby…!” And she started crying again…

I shouted “Mamma! Mamma! Don’t cry mamma! Are you talking about me? Are they going to kill me!? But why? What did I do? I haven’t even seen the outside world! Why are they killing me mamma!? Why am I so bad?”

She never replied… I wondered how did they know that I was a girl child! Then it came to me… that sudden heat inside this bag must got something to do about it. They must be having some sort of machine with which they are able to see inside these walls! Oh God! So are they going to kill me inside this bag only! Would I even not be able to see the world?  As always, No one replied…

One day, the walls of the bag started to tear apart. There was some pointed thing piercing inside. It pierced me inside my body. I got severe pain all over my body. I kicked so hard to my mamma, wriggling in pain, crying to my death! Then I died…

My soul got out of my body and moved to the outer world. I could see anything but I guess the lady lying there would be my mamma, because she was crying for me… for my death! Everyone else was celebrating… My mamma was crying but still thanking my murderer to have killed me. He was wearing a white coat with different equipments in his hands. I was surprised to see that why was my mamma relieved on my death! Was I so bad that they killed me before even coming out of that bag inside my mamma!?

My soul got pulled to heaven. There God was in front of me… I looked at him with disgust! I wanted to shout, to curse him to be like me! But his smile relaxed me… He came near me and said “Don’t worry child! I’m gonna answer all your questions now…”

God showed me a visual of a human. He said if I had grown up I would have looked like this. And I had already seen my mother. Then he showed me how a child is brought outside the bag. I was shocked to see that! My mamma would have faced so much pain if I was brought out after I had grown up! So this must be the reason I was killed…

“No child it isn’t! Both for girls and boys, it is the same procedure!” God explained me.

“But then why did they kill me…?” I asked.

“I don’t know…” God replied.

I was again angry at him. With all his powers, his stature and he doesn’t even know such simple question! Who made him God?!

I asked him “Can you show me how would my life be if I… if I had… if I had taken birth normally? Can you do that for me?” I was chocking now. I was so grieved that I could see the world…

“Of course my child!” God replied.

He brought another visual in front of me out of thin air. (I wondered how he did that!) There I was… in my mother’s lap. She was talking to me. She was feeding me. I was happy. I loved my mamma…

Then a man came from behind and kicked my mamma! She shouted in pain. He kicked him again and said “You bitch! You brought that scum to our house! Screw you, bitch!” He was pointing at me! He moved forward and gave a kick on my stomach. I cried in pain, but couldn’t do anything about it. My mother too was crying.

Next visual showed me that there was another child in mother’s lap and I was sitting next to her. I was admiring my brother. How cute he was! Then my dad came. I ran and hide behind the cupboard.  I was scared to come infront of my dad. He would beat me for pleasure… He took my brother in his hands and started playing with him. He said he loves him so much. And that he was a gift for him from God. I wondered what was the difference between me and my brother…!

Then God brought another visual. I was going to school. My brother accompanied me. I asked dad to drop me but he bluntly replied a no! In the school, all boys made fun of me. They teased me. They hit me and touched my body parts! I complained to my teacher about those boys. But my teacher said to me “If you can’t even handle few boys, how would you compete with them in the world!” I stood there crying…

My mother came to school next day. She scolded those boys and even talked to my teacher. But nothing changed. Instead it all grew wickedly bad…

In my house, my dad’s friend used to come often. He used to give me chocolates and gifts that he brought from outside. I used to share my stories and secrets with him. I liked him. But one day, he took me with him to the terrace. There he forced me to remove my clothes and to kiss his body parts! I was so devastated… I told my mom about that but she told me to keep quiet and tell no one about all this.

She talked to that uncle and my dad and that uncle never came again. But my dad removed all his anger on my mom and me by beating us with sticks…

God brought another visual in front of me. My brother was older now. He was going to school. I was standing at the door of the house. I asked God what happened why am I not going to school with my brother? God replied “You are now not sent to school.” I watched further. I was doing all household things. I used to work all day long. But then too my dad never loved me…

When I grew up to 18 years,  my father married me without even asking my opinion. I was forced to go to a new house with new people. My studies and my self learning were never helpful to me as I was never allowed to put them in use. If I tried to make my name in the world, the world would shut me down…

At my husbands place, I was given all the love and care till I asked him to study more and go to work. They never allowed me. I asked them to let me learn dancing. I loved dancing. But they never let me do even that. They told me “If you want to dance, you can inside this house. There is no need to go outside for it. And if you will work, who would do the household works!”

I wondered why was I born! All the visuals showed me that my life would have been much more difficult than the death I experienced. I even understood why my mother wanted to kill me. She knew that if I was born, I would have suffered a lot lot more…

The last visual showed me lives of other girls in the world. Even then the conditions never got any better for our kinds. We were never considered in any decision making. Our opinions were never relevant. Our likes dislikes never mattered. We were forced to live our lives the way other wanted. And instead of improving the conditions, people just played around the bush! Politics were played on the topic of women empowerment, reservations and concessions served no purpose if the mentality of people as a whole do not change!

Modernisation has crept our society. Now people speak of equality and peace. But are the crimes against us reduced? No… Is the society’s mentality about females changed? No… Can a girl live her life the way she wants in this modern world without attracting critics and rapes…? No… All because she is a girl! Why?

I was crying there. I so missed my mamma who loved me. God put a hand on me and asked “Do you want anything else?”

I thought for a moment and asked “Yes God! Just last question… What is my mistake in being a girl? Or should I ask WHAT IS MY MISTAKE THAT I AM A GIRL?”

God didn’t reply to her questions… Can we?…!

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What happened to that?

This time, I’m gonna take you to this jolly ride to our childhood and bring you back to your present reality…

 

Remember those times when we used to be kids? We used tocommunicate using signs, screams, and eyes. “Communication process was taught to us in school. But didn’t we know that already? We used to communicate with our parents, nurses and caretakers well. We didn’t speak, but we used to communicate to those even then using gestures, postures and nonverbal communications.

Remember when we learnt speaking for the first time, we used to jumble the words, speak incorrect pronunciation, use incorrect grammar… But they ignored our mistakes taking us an innocent child. When we grew up, we learnt other new languages, but this time, while using this new language, our mistakes were punished by our teachers. Why? Aren’t we in the same situation as that of a child who is learning a language for the first time?

We used to play Cricket. We used to manage each one of the heterogeneous but useful eleven players. We leaded them, motivated them that we could beat even the strongest opponents. We used to bat, bowl and even field! We used to be all rounder. We fought to get that first batting. We did all our hard work to get position of ‘Captain’. We even got involved into politics to confirm winning for our team! We used to negotiate our number in the batting order with the captain. We used to bully others when we could and even influence others (with false sentences) who bullied us!

We were applying all these arts of communication since childhood.

But then, what happened to us by the time we turned into an adult?

Why do we fear speaking to a huge crowd? Why do we have to attend those seminars and lectures? After all, we did well while we were kids.

Remember when we used to fly kites on festival of ‘Uttrayan’? We used to run behind falling kites. Without breaking the eye-contact with the kite, we used to jump across the terraces, run across the streets, uneven road and pebbles, stones, ditches.. But never did we endanger our lives. We were totally aware of our potential and the hurdles in between, with which we calculated our odds and went for the action. What happened to that kid who was so confident, multitasking and having great judgement?

Remember the time when we played marbles? (Kanche/goti/lakhoti?) How we used to focus on the 2 cm diameter marble from about 2 meter distance, ignoring all the noise that distract us around, all the teasing comments that other players pass, all the vehicles and pedestrians… Now we take classes for increasing our concentration, attend several seminars to increase power of our brain. What happened to the concentration and focus that that kid had?

Remember on the occasions, birthdays, marriages, etc. We used to sing a song, dance, mimic and entertain on request of those strangers. We never felt humiliated, never did we fear the ridicule, and never did we had any stage fear! Then what happened to us? How did we end up in this kind of situation that we have stage fear, fear of ridicule? How did we start feeling shy? How nervousness started taking our toll?

We have forgotten what we were once and are running behind the so called “education” that is screwing us in the worst way! We pay several bucks just to remember back what we already knew.

The kid was never shy, never nervous in speaking out, blabbering out anything and everything, without knowing the correct answer. But then he entered the “classroom“. There he was taught a lesson… The time when he was asked a question, he innocently replied whatever he thought was the answer. The teacher scolded him for his mistake. Other fellow students laughed at his ridiculous answer. He was punished to sit at he last bench for the whole day. He learned (not the answer, but) that he should never answer if he is not sure of the answer! And from then, the fear of ridicule started…

Then he moved to the next level in school, where he was asked to speak on the stage. He spoke as he used to when he was a child and he used to blabber in front of the crowd in functions. But then he was again laughed at for his nonprofessional attitude and childish behavior! He was punished for use of fun in public speaking! He was taught another lesson that he can’t speak in public. From there fear of public speaking started…

His self-confidence was hurt when he was ridiculed at while public speaking on the stage on some stupid topic, he never cared about.

He never desired to her ranks and fame. He just wanted knowledge. But school teachers forced him to do more, more than he already did, so that he could get rank and that would bring fame for the school. He became proud and more arrogant upon getting those ranks. But then in the real world, people showed him that ranks were not important for making friends. Ranks were not important for getting job. He was anguished at his condition. The fear of failure started creeping inside him.

Over the period he grew adult, all his communication skills and confidence corroded. He was very vulnerable to social perils and had zero public exposure. He was reserved personality. He was shy and timid. He was too arrogant and pessimist. And it would be wrong to say that he was like this, because he was made like this! School days made him like this.

I would urge to the schools and teachers that please stop screwing with the lives of young minds! If you can’t make their future, stop ruining their present!

Einstein once told “I was born intelligent, education ruined me!” Now I think he was right.