Complicated Relations

image

Relations… How is one related to someone else? Is it maternal or paternal? Uncle, aunt, brother, sister, cousin, nephew, niece, in laws… English language has words for these relations.

But in Hindi language, the two words uncle and aunt, nephew and niece, and several other relations are given specific names.

Uncle being mother’s brother becomes ‘mama’. Uncle being father’s elder brother becomes ‘bade papa’. Uncle being father’s younger brother becomes ‘kaka’. And their spouses are ‘mami’, ‘badi maa’, ‘kaki’ respectively.

Aunt being father’s sister becomes ‘fayi’. Aunt being mother’s sister becomes ‘mausi’. And their spouses are called ‘fuva’ and ‘mausa’.

Courtesy can be given by adding ‘ji’ to each one of them.

Similarly, nephew being sister’s son becomes ‘bhanja’, brother’s son becomes ‘bhatija’. Niece becomes ‘bhanji’ and ‘bhatiji’ respective. (Don’t confuse ji at the end with the earlier one courtesy ji)

Further, sister-in-law and brother-in-law in Hindi is not that easy to understand. Find out yourself… (I took more than a decade to understand these words :P)

Sister-in-law for a wife is ‘nanand’. Brother-in-law for her, if elder than husband is called ‘jeth’ and if younger, is called ‘dewar’. Whereas, sister-in-law for a husband, if younger, is called ‘saali’ and if elder, then it’s called ‘jiji’. Brother-in-law for husband is called ‘saala’.

Spouse of jeth is called ‘jethani’, dewar is ‘dewarani’, nanand is ‘nanandoyi’, and spouse for both saali and jiji is ‘sadhubhai’.

Further, husband of sister is ‘jija’ and wife of brother is ‘bhabhi’.

And other woman or man is bhabhi or bhai if in formal relation, or else call using name directly.

Phewww…!

For my mind, this chapter of relationship was blurred. Hence, I had simple rules for defining relation name.

If he was elder and young, he was ‘bhaiya’ (brother), if elder and old, then ‘uncle’. Otherwise, his name. Similarly, if she was elder and young, she was ‘didi’ (sister), if elder and old, then ‘aunty’.

Only problem I faced was when elderly people asked me to call a specific one from the above list. For me all of them were either uncle or aunty, but when they required a work from a specific one, say mausi, which aunty would I call?! Stumped! 😀

But I had my ways… I would go to those group and yell whatever or whomever I was supposed to call. Then wait for them to respond. Everyone would turn and look at me, but only the correct one would respond to me by asking what was it. Bravo! I got the one! 😛

—–

My niece (bhanji) came to my house yesterday. Being a boy (not an uncle), I only see her as my younger sister. But elders in my family want to see me aged so early that they want that little one to call me uncle (mama).

Both she and I make faces when we are required to communicate in that way. But then she forgets to call me that often and calls me bhaiya . That brings a smile on my face, to see her do those crazy things and involving me into it.

I wonder if things were simple like my rules of defining names for relations, how would it be to live in my world. Would it be simpler than now or more complicated?

Wonder is all I can do…

—–

One more complain that I always have with elderly people here is that they always call my friends as bhai and behen (brother and sister)! Huh! How can they tell what’s in out little minds. Don’t they know there’s a word known as ‘friends’, which is different than she being called as my sister! Please! 😛

Let’s make a story

Make a story with these five words – one, two, three, four, five 😛

… …

image 

While I was wandering in reverie, with tenacity to go as far as possible from reality, a hiatus brought me back to the present. They were a series of mobile notifications from different apps – news, social, shopping etc.

None were important and none were useful. All of them had a peculiar unfamiliarity, as if they were not for me; but sent by mistake or as if they were too lazy to remove me from their broadcast group.

I quickly scanned through them, observing the app name (intention being removing those background running services). While annihilating those notifications, my eyes found preciousness amongst insipid mono-tifications (monotonous notifications)… It was from my best friend.

She had a challenge for me. I had to make a story using the words she gave to me. I accepted. While my acceptance was unrequited, my propensity to do everything different than others led me to think that my story should be edifying. Something she might have not expected. Something highlighting some acute social problem yet being entertaining that the reader would read it with palpitation.

But then I received the words from her. I raked through the words – apartheid, relinquish, dovish… Just a glance decimated all my emulations.

Just then the astuteness in my mind came out from its ambush and I was ready with an adroit plan. I was smirking like a magnate would do when he thinks of an ingenious business plan to overcome a fulminant situation.

I sent her this story:

<<<

We both were punished for our talkative behaviour during class. Our English teacher was very unhappy with us. So she gave us a task which we had to complete after school but without taking help from anyone except the library. We weren’t supposed to go home till we completed the task.

She gave us following words and told us to make a story out of it.

“Unrequited, hiatus, apartheid, ambush, decimate, reverie, tenacity, propensity, relinquish, annihilate, acute, preciousness, dovish, palpitation, edifying, magnate”

We sincerely obliged to do so. After the school was over and everyone went back home, me and my best friend went to the library. Despite our fear of the ghost of the dead librarian, we entered the library, although with shivering foot steps. It was dark and dusty.

We quickly went to the Languages section and found ourselves a dictionary. After a few awkward glances at the surrounding, we came to know that our seniors were pulling our legs about the ghost of the librarian.

So we went on with the task of our punishment. What started with finding the meaning of these words in the dictionary, soon transformed into making fun of different English words, making them sound as obscene as we could and then mimicking our Hindi teacher try and pronounce them.

And the best part, by the time we left for home, we were ready with an evil plan to strike back on our seniors.

Overall, it was fun… The punishment of course! 😉

(Edited a little… :P)

>>>

She gave a duh-some expression and then laughed out crazy… 😀 We both were laughing.

Then she made her story. It was edifying in real, not mine… 😛

<<<

Being a magnate that he was, showcasing a dovish nature outside, a few people actually knew how a person he was.

That day, he took a hiatus from his busy schedule, to know where to his life has been moving to. Has it just turned out to be full of ambitions, aiming for one thing just after achieving the previous one and ambushed in the trap of wealth creation or was there any life (as a verb) left into his life?

He was now into his own reverie. Thinking of the times when life had trapped him into an unrequited love and how juggling from all that he was here, now considered as an apartheid. He DIDN’T Realize that in relinquishing her, he had annihilated himself. He could now feel love for her after maybe everything was over.

He had decimated a few like in this case before, but this time it was something different. His tenacity had won over her love. His ambition to achieve more, to make big in his life.

The last time he saw her was at an edifying school event,where he was invited as a chief guest. To win hearts of people he would skillfully wear that mask and enchant the people with his inspiring words. But it was only one woman, the lady mothering his child, who knew he always had this tendency, which even she was trapped into.

But being a bold lady that she was, she never had this thought of going back to the man,who had abandoned them,their 3-month old foetus in her womb and herself, just to climb that ladder of success!”

>>>

I read it again after each full stop. 😀 Effortful it was, the reading…

So I tried again. And came up with this…

<<<

A little boy was walking down the street with his best friend, his dog. He had to match his stride with his dog’s and so, so was the palpitation. He talked about his day and about stuff he did with his school mates. He shared almost all the acute details with his dog, his best friend after all.

At a crossroad, he stopped and observed the streets for a while. The dog, dovish, stood by his side. The Boy then said to his dog, while pointing at a tree two blocks away:

“Com’on Buddy! Let’s race… Let’s see who reaches first two blocks from here. See that tree with red leaves? There… Ready?”

His dog got up at once. And replied by a bark.

The Boy started running first, but soon was overtaken by the dog. Still, his tenacity was unaffected. He rushed upon with all the propensity.

The dog reached the block first. And obediently stood there waiting for his friend to reach. When the boy reached there, he didn’t stop. He continued running further and shouted “Not this one buddy. I meant that tree.”

Ah! Little boy fouled to win. Dog started running again. In the chase to win, they both entered a garden, where the boy fell on the ground.

The dog and the boy slumbered on the green grass. The Boy said:

“Okay! Okay! You win. I cheated. Sorry… But you can run faster than me with your extra two legs!”

The dog licked his friend’s face. Friendship and innocence was at its best. The preciousness of childhood…

While the two friends were busy playing, the door of the house besides the garden made a loud noise and a tall and dark man, in his late 50s came out to see what the noise was about.

The man was a magnate in the town, but he would hardly meet anyone. He stayed in secret to people’s eyes as he didn’t like being social.

Looking at the hiatus, the dog quickly got into ambush, ready to decimate the threat upon his friend’s command.

The Boy however was imagining things in his reverie. He imagined that the dark man was a dark monster, who invites little kids to his home in the cover of giving them chocolates and then eats them alive…

The old man, although didn’t like people much, but had always loved children. He asked the boy who he was and what was he doing in his garden.

The Boy was silent. He was still in his reverie.

The old man offered the boy to come in to his house and to have chocolates.

The Boy thought his imagination was coming true. So he ran towards the gate with utmost haste.

The old man, a little confused at his unrequited invitation, called out the boy to stop and come back.

The Boy took little steps in palpitation. He thought how many little kids this old devil would have annihilated before him. The old man said “Com’on… Don’t be afraid of me. See, I got chocolates for you.”

The Boy relinquished his fears and took the chocolate he offered. Took one bite of it and gave one bite to his dog.

This was the start of the friendship of the little boy and the old man. The Boy told the old man everything about his reverie. The old man laughed and said “I hate the apartheid done in our country. Even such tender souls are filled with such bias.”

An acute point raised through an edifying yet innocent incident.

>>>

P.s.: And I made this too… 😉

Avoid filling these blanks

image

People are in the race to improvement. We go through several pages of documents and articles and compare ourselves with different personalities to find our faults and improvise thereon.

However, there are some basic things that can help us live better.

Avoiding the following blanks can very well help you avoid fights, depression, etc., can help boosting confidence, and can help to shape better your overall personality.

Try it yourself:

Finding Problems:
> The problem is that ______________.
(Try working on the solutions instead. Know the problem but don’t say it. Just work on it.)

Finding Reasons:
> I know that but ______________.
(Stop finding reasons, aka excuses)

Taking Assumptions / Judging People:
He must be ______________.
(Stop assuming something about someone)

Putting a limit on yourself:
I can’t ______________.
(Stop assuming something about yourself)

Justifying your actions:
I did it because ______________.
(No need to justify your actions, unless your evaluation is dependent on it 😛 . Dumb people won’t understand. And smart people will know it looking at the results.)

Gossip:
> You know what (just) happened? ________________.
(If you are telling something good, go on. If it is just gossip, stop right there.)

Faking your thanking:
> Thank you for your _____________.
(Just mean your thank you from your heart, no need of extra words)

Justifying your failure:
> I tried but ______________.
(Say I tried and failed. And I will try again) (filling this blank bluffs your brain into believing that failure was not your fault, which actually always is.)

Blaming Others:
> It didn’t work out because ______________.
(First look at your own faults, if you can’t find any, which won’t happen of course, then blame others…)

Expressing your hate (with anger)
> I just hate ____________.
(It’s okay that you hate it. But is it really necessary to say / announce it? Hate is often accompanied with anger, which corrodes our ability to think or introspect ourselves, and we often say things which shouldn’t have been said)

Expressing your Love:
> I love you because ____________.
(Love requires no reason, if your does, its not love)

Have any such blanks? Add a comment…

The Googoo’s and the Gaagaa’s

Googoo!! Gooooogooooo!! Googaa goo goo goooooo!!

Why are you making such a face?? Didn’t you get it? Oh! See! This is very difficult for me now! Since birth, I was communicating with people in this way only!

So my story began when someone pulled me out of my tiny little world in which I stayed for quite a while…

My world was wet and dark. Sometimes, I used to kick and play with the surroundings but then, most of the time, the peace was what I loved in my world. I had thought that this was that life was supposed to be…

Often, I used to hear a voice from outside my world. That voice always used to cheer me up! I can’t tell the feeling, but I always felt warm on hearing that voice. I never understood what it said, but my day never ended without hearing that voice. I thought it to be God’s voice.

But then my body started growing large. Soon I had difficult time staying in this world. So I started kicking and spreading my legs and arms, assuming that the world would stretch out a little and would give me more space to stay in it.

But one day, that terrible day, I felt severe pain. That pain must have been severe as even the God’s Voice was shouting from outside my world. My world’s wetness started to decrease and I felt the urge to go out of this world to my God as soon as possible. I prayed to my God that plz take me out.

And He pulled me out – upside down.

There was flash of light that filled my eyes and I was unable to see anything. I felt someone holding me from my legs and then several things touched my body. Something warm and wet flowed over my whole body and then something soft started brushing over me.

As I started opening my eyes, I saw several creatures around me, who only had eyes on their whole body, otherwise, everything was pure white with red spots.

I was feeling uncomfortable now. These huge creatures were passing me from one to other as if I was an object! I shouted that I wanted to go back to my world. At least no one bothered me there…

They took me to some other creature, who had eyes, ears and other face parts like I had. I saw her eyes… They were beautiful! Then a voice came – “My baby!!” and I recognized her. She was my God.

Finally I was with my God. My life mission was over now and I can peacefully relax in her arms now. As I lay there staring at those eyes, a tiny drop of water came from her eye and fell on my cheek. She quickly brushed that away, but that drop felt so warm… I instantly felt love for her. As if, I was incomplete without her. It was comfortable in her arms, just like my tiny little world earlier.

But as I came to know afterwards, my life had just started…

Soon I got that I was a body with two eyes, two ears, one nose, one mouth, and a big head! But everything in me was smaller than that of other people around me.

I used to observe people a lot. They were so weird. Their behavior, the noises they made, their constant movements of their body parts, all was so weird. I kept on trying to understand what exactly were they doing…

When I got hungry, I waited for the food to come. In my world, the food used to come directly and I never had to do anything. But this time, it didn’t come. I waited so long. Finally, my hopes gave up and I started looking at people around me. I was expecting them to understand that I was hungry. Hello!!? No one did anything…

Finally I started shouting and making noises like they were making, or at least tried to. Soon a person came to me and took me to my God. My God gave me food. It was then I understood that for getting anything in this outer world, I will have to shout, even if that thing was already mine or me-deserved.

After some time, I felt weird sensation in my body. Then something came out of me from my behind. I felt bad, terribly bad, for it was very uncomfortable sitting on that thing that came out. I shouted and someone came and cleaned it.

It was good. I just had to shout a little and someone from around me would come and do whatever I wanted them to do. But then things started to get complicated…

Sometimes, I would have shouted for cleaning the thing and someone would come and just pull my cheek and go away. Sometimes, I would be so hungry and upon shouting, they lifted my legs and watched my bottom with anticipation of finding a treasure! But then they couldn’t and so they again pulled my cheeks. Ah! It was so annoying…

Every now and then someone unknown would come to me, pull my cheeks and play with my face! They would open and close my mouth again and again. They lifted me around and made weird faces on me. Some even made different sounds and noises while coming horribly close to me! It was a nightmare living with those creatures…

Once I pulled the hairs of one person and he immediately let me to my God again. Then I found a way to stay away from the people I hated. I used to do all sorts of things like pulling their hair, pinching their hands, peeing on them, etc. so that they would just leave me alone.

All in all, this new world was adventurous. But one thing was still unclear. The sounds these people around me made, what was that?

Even my God started making sounds continuously around me. They would constantly make such sounds I won’t understand a bit. But I used to just try to make a similar sound and that used to cheer them up. Weird isn’t it…? 😀

But then slowly I started understanding the sounds. These sounds were well defined and were used only to refer to specific things, like bhoobhoo to ask for water, mummum to ask for food, etc. But it wasn’t that easy. There were several sounds and it was hard for me to keep track of all of them.

So I just started remembering the starting part of the sound and say it loud and clear and slowly… And that made the wonder. These big people were now starting to understand what I was saying. No need of shouting and crying now…

But soon my understanding about their sounds made things worse. Every now and then, someone would come to me and constantly touch me and annoy me asking me to make some sound. Unless I made that sound they would just not leave me. Ah! That was so tiresome…

There was this other guy, who had smaller body parts like me, but still bigger than me. He used to come to me when no one was around. He used to annoy me by taking away things that others gave me. He used to hit me and do mischiefs with me. I used to hate him. People said that he was my bodhrr or something like that.

There was this other one whom I used to love. She used to come and bring me different things. I used to enjoy spending time with her. She used to take me to different places outside my house. She used to play with me. And again, she used to make all funny and weird sounds at me. But she always made my heart beat faster. 😉

Then there was someone who was totally different than all of us. He had hairs all over his body. And he always used to walk on all his hands and legs. Weird… But he was my best friend. He always stayed with me. We shared our food, we shared our bed and we even shared our toys. He was good. He didn’t made any weird sounds like others. All he said was bhaw bhaw or ooo ooo.

My body started to grow and my mind too. I now understood several of their words. And now I tried imitating whole of their words instead of just the initial part. As I got comfortable with their sounds, people got more and more happy around me. But it got more and more sadness for me.

Sounds were okay. But then there were body movements, pitch and tone, stress on different portions of words, and several other things. Due to all these, it was getting harder to talk to these big creatures. Only my God, whom they called Momma here, used to understand me. Other people just never got me.

Now I’m old enough to think and write about things. But I miss that part of my life where my Googoo’s and Gaagaa’s communicated my intentions. I missed that time when everyone were happy around me. No-one shouted at me or scolded me. People loved me and took care of me.

But now, people have changed. They get angry at every little thing I do. They keep on instructing me to do this and to do that. To do things this way and not do things that way. People find me as an obligation now.

image

Well, this is it for now… See you later.

P.S.: That pic above is when I shouted that I want more food and they checked my bottom and went back. These people, seriously!

(Informal) Importance of Feedback

image

Feedback refers to responding to something, expressing our views on the subject communicated with us.

If we ignore the formal aspect of communication, the information technology and the behavioural science, do we give real feedback in our lives?

Often I find that people change unlooked-for and then if we pore over it, we would find that the person was crestfallen due to our thickheaded act.

But then it would be no picnic to take out that thing from their mouth and then start the process of clearing the misunderstanding…

Instead, we woud just start ignoring the person. We would avoid the topic till the end of the world. We would never tell the person that which of his act wounded us, and why…

Nevertheless, we would expect the person to apologise! We would expect him to understand his mistake and put up some action to solve the mess! But how! How is he supposed to know that something out of his acts has disturbed you?

Wouldn’t it be worthier, if not easy-peasy, if we would’ve shared our views, would’ve expressed our feelings in a beeline, at the time the misunderstanding was born? Isn’t it better to treat the wound when it is still fresh?

But no… We have all sorts of reasons to avoid giving real feedback:

“It would hurt him.”
“It would look rude.”
“I don’t want it to worse off.”
“Why should I tell him! He must know what he did!”
“He’s a jerk. He never thinks before speaking!”
“He’s a bad guy. Why would I waste my time explaining the problem to that kinda guy!”
Etc… etc…

From not hurting him, we move step-by-step towards making a prejudicial conclusion; a judgement based on our own reasoning, rather than on the real facts and the person’s real intention.

And then the misunderstanding never wears off…

We never give the person a chance to explain himself! Hell, we don’t even give him chance to know what really happened! We just shut him down, just shove him off…

So people start giving feedbacks.. Tell them what you feel, tell them that that was rude, blunt or unacceptable. Tell them you hate it. Tell them what you understood about what their action meant…

Be it friendship or be it relationship, a feedback at the right time would avoid a long, disheartening, annoying series of misunderstandings.

True, it would lead to an argument, it would lead to a fight… But a few days fight, which clears the misunderstanding and gives both the parties an opportunity to share their views with eachother, is better than the everlasting grudge that develops from the initial fallacy.

Food is best served on a plate clean, things are best written on slate clean…

P.s.: Feedback (comments) recommended 😉

P.s.2: Ignore, meow… 😛