(Informal) Importance of Feedback

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Feedback refers to responding to something, expressing our views on the subject communicated with us.

If we ignore the formal aspect of communication, the information technology and the behavioural science, do we give real feedback in our lives?

Often I find that people change unlooked-for and then if we pore over it, we would find that the person was crestfallen due to our thickheaded act.

But then it would be no picnic to take out that thing from their mouth and then start the process of clearing the misunderstanding…

Instead, we woud just start ignoring the person. We would avoid the topic till the end of the world. We would never tell the person that which of his act wounded us, and why…

Nevertheless, we would expect the person to apologise! We would expect him to understand his mistake and put up some action to solve the mess! But how! How is he supposed to know that something out of his acts has disturbed you?

Wouldn’t it be worthier, if not easy-peasy, if we would’ve shared our views, would’ve expressed our feelings in a beeline, at the time the misunderstanding was born? Isn’t it better to treat the wound when it is still fresh?

But no… We have all sorts of reasons to avoid giving real feedback:

“It would hurt him.”
“It would look rude.”
“I don’t want it to worse off.”
“Why should I tell him! He must know what he did!”
“He’s a jerk. He never thinks before speaking!”
“He’s a bad guy. Why would I waste my time explaining the problem to that kinda guy!”
Etc… etc…

From not hurting him, we move step-by-step towards making a prejudicial conclusion; a judgement based on our own reasoning, rather than on the real facts and the person’s real intention.

And then the misunderstanding never wears off…

We never give the person a chance to explain himself! Hell, we don’t even give him chance to know what really happened! We just shut him down, just shove him off…

So people start giving feedbacks.. Tell them what you feel, tell them that that was rude, blunt or unacceptable. Tell them you hate it. Tell them what you understood about what their action meant…

Be it friendship or be it relationship, a feedback at the right time would avoid a long, disheartening, annoying series of misunderstandings.

True, it would lead to an argument, it would lead to a fight… But a few days fight, which clears the misunderstanding and gives both the parties an opportunity to share their views with eachother, is better than the everlasting grudge that develops from the initial fallacy.

Food is best served on a plate clean, things are best written on slate clean…

P.s.: Feedback (comments) recommended 😉

P.s.2: Ignore, meow… 😛

Blah blah blah!!

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What do you do when you don’t want to hear something? Do you tell the person to stop talking? Or do you yourself walkout of the conversation? Or as suggested by my friend, you make weird expressions so that the other person would understand that you are not interested. But what it that person doesn’t understand our gesture?

There are about million ways which we guys follow when we don’t want to hear it…

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Speak of a boring lecture… We’d always have a nice shikkar (crush) in the class to roast our eyes. So it would be very easy to not hear the lecture that professor’s delivering. Even we don’t have to make any eye contact, which helps a lot (you’ll find out later).

I saw an ad long back of mobile phone from Motorola – Moto Yuva. In that a father is shouting on his son for being such a irresponsible jerk. Now what he did was switched on the music and synced the lyrics with his dad’s blabbering… It was so damn funny!

But in real life can we do this? Actually no… Our dad would know it in first instance and would throw our mobiles our of the window. (Even we can be thrown out instead of the mobile if he is that angry…)

So we use our environment to do us a favour. We play with whatever is in our hands, but glancing at him a moment or so, giving sad and guilty-feeling looks and again ignoring him by playing with something. We look at the wall behind him and make our own stories that a magical world is hidden behind the wall! We look at the floor below and amaze the amazing designs on the tiles..

But these techniques are useless when you are talking one-on-one with someone, who is probably feminine… In the movie Teri Meri Kahaani, there’s a scene where Priyanka Chopra keeps on talking about something and Shahid Kapoor tries his best to cling on to the discussion. He makes all sorts of faces to show his disinterest. He even drinks her drink to pass the time… 😀

Real life scenarios are similar… We look all around us to find something better to gaze at while she speaks all her heart out. When the conversation turns two ways, the real problem starts. Cuz to reply we must have heard at least something. 😛

Postures like eye contact and frequent smiles are helpful. We can laugh when she laughs, depicting that we have got her humour. 😛 We can even give some exclamations and smile quickly, whenever she raises her volume and her eyebrows… 😉

Some people just can’t help it. They want to speak too much for just a single line. Check out the below clipart… (You’ll all would have been through this)

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Now when we’re having some serious discussion, make sure not to yawn… 😛

P.s. If you don’t want to listen to something over a phone call, best way is to put one piece of your earplug in one ear on which you’re talking and other piece of another earplug connected to your iPod to other ear… And Viola! 😀

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Social Solitude

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It has been a long time since last time that she spent a whole day without touching any electronic-social gadget. Ah, how badly she wanted a day off those silly social websites and those “always online” apps..! Irritated she was, with those beeps notifying a new message. And when she read that message, she couldn’t believe she wasted her time in reading that…

So finally, she decided to take a day off. She withdrawn from those apps, temporary,  at least for now. Hide her all other social accounts, that no one can find her. Put her mobile gadget on silent mode and put it sufficiently far from her that she couldn’t reach it at a hand’s stretch.

But one thing she wasn’t sure about – whether this solitude will give her peace? This was not a first time that she took a day off her social life, but it wasn’t the same feeling this time. She was not sure of the outcome that was, well, frequently proved by her experiments in life…

But she was firm to do it. She took the time to do what she does best. And filled her free time with family outings and visit a temple. It was very peaceful and she asked for blessings for her and family. She asked God a question that if he can’t take care of his creations (humans) why not stop the ample production he has so dearly approved? 

Her mind was fighting with her heart. She had double intentions. She was glad that she was in solitude.. But still she was in a rumble with herself. Her inner self was shouting back to stop this solitude. But she firmly kept balancing…

At home she read another book that made her feel her love for words.. The entangling beauty of architecturing words into amazing structures (called books) – her most amazing pass time – reading and writing (sometimes speaking even).

She practiced numbers for her future encounter with commercial world. She watched her favourite show on tv. She used fraction of a second so productively that she was happy at her decision to have left her social life at other side of the bay…

The day ended smoothly. She had done so many things, which earlier she took days to barely complete. Her decision was apt and maybe she will continue this practice for a longer time… 

What possibly can happen if she continues taking such breaks from social distraction..? On the positive side she used all her time in doing productive things. On the negative side, well it doesn’t matter. .

So what have we learned from this full page of blah blah blah.. Nothing.? Urgh..! We have learned that the social solitude maddens someone who wants to talk to you.. If you really want to do something productive, do it, but don’t put yourself at distant from people close to you.. Social media can very well be put away, but that doesn’t mean to put yourself inside a box and sit doing things you like to do! As someone has put it “The best time in our life is the time we have shared with other people!!” ;P

What happened to that?

This time, I’m gonna take you to this jolly ride to our childhood and bring you back to your present reality…

 

Remember those times when we used to be kids? We used tocommunicate using signs, screams, and eyes. “Communication process was taught to us in school. But didn’t we know that already? We used to communicate with our parents, nurses and caretakers well. We didn’t speak, but we used to communicate to those even then using gestures, postures and nonverbal communications.

Remember when we learnt speaking for the first time, we used to jumble the words, speak incorrect pronunciation, use incorrect grammar… But they ignored our mistakes taking us an innocent child. When we grew up, we learnt other new languages, but this time, while using this new language, our mistakes were punished by our teachers. Why? Aren’t we in the same situation as that of a child who is learning a language for the first time?

We used to play Cricket. We used to manage each one of the heterogeneous but useful eleven players. We leaded them, motivated them that we could beat even the strongest opponents. We used to bat, bowl and even field! We used to be all rounder. We fought to get that first batting. We did all our hard work to get position of ‘Captain’. We even got involved into politics to confirm winning for our team! We used to negotiate our number in the batting order with the captain. We used to bully others when we could and even influence others (with false sentences) who bullied us!

We were applying all these arts of communication since childhood.

But then, what happened to us by the time we turned into an adult?

Why do we fear speaking to a huge crowd? Why do we have to attend those seminars and lectures? After all, we did well while we were kids.

Remember when we used to fly kites on festival of ‘Uttrayan’? We used to run behind falling kites. Without breaking the eye-contact with the kite, we used to jump across the terraces, run across the streets, uneven road and pebbles, stones, ditches.. But never did we endanger our lives. We were totally aware of our potential and the hurdles in between, with which we calculated our odds and went for the action. What happened to that kid who was so confident, multitasking and having great judgement?

Remember the time when we played marbles? (Kanche/goti/lakhoti?) How we used to focus on the 2 cm diameter marble from about 2 meter distance, ignoring all the noise that distract us around, all the teasing comments that other players pass, all the vehicles and pedestrians… Now we take classes for increasing our concentration, attend several seminars to increase power of our brain. What happened to the concentration and focus that that kid had?

Remember on the occasions, birthdays, marriages, etc. We used to sing a song, dance, mimic and entertain on request of those strangers. We never felt humiliated, never did we fear the ridicule, and never did we had any stage fear! Then what happened to us? How did we end up in this kind of situation that we have stage fear, fear of ridicule? How did we start feeling shy? How nervousness started taking our toll?

We have forgotten what we were once and are running behind the so called “education” that is screwing us in the worst way! We pay several bucks just to remember back what we already knew.

The kid was never shy, never nervous in speaking out, blabbering out anything and everything, without knowing the correct answer. But then he entered the “classroom“. There he was taught a lesson… The time when he was asked a question, he innocently replied whatever he thought was the answer. The teacher scolded him for his mistake. Other fellow students laughed at his ridiculous answer. He was punished to sit at he last bench for the whole day. He learned (not the answer, but) that he should never answer if he is not sure of the answer! And from then, the fear of ridicule started…

Then he moved to the next level in school, where he was asked to speak on the stage. He spoke as he used to when he was a child and he used to blabber in front of the crowd in functions. But then he was again laughed at for his nonprofessional attitude and childish behavior! He was punished for use of fun in public speaking! He was taught another lesson that he can’t speak in public. From there fear of public speaking started…

His self-confidence was hurt when he was ridiculed at while public speaking on the stage on some stupid topic, he never cared about.

He never desired to her ranks and fame. He just wanted knowledge. But school teachers forced him to do more, more than he already did, so that he could get rank and that would bring fame for the school. He became proud and more arrogant upon getting those ranks. But then in the real world, people showed him that ranks were not important for making friends. Ranks were not important for getting job. He was anguished at his condition. The fear of failure started creeping inside him.

Over the period he grew adult, all his communication skills and confidence corroded. He was very vulnerable to social perils and had zero public exposure. He was reserved personality. He was shy and timid. He was too arrogant and pessimist. And it would be wrong to say that he was like this, because he was made like this! School days made him like this.

I would urge to the schools and teachers that please stop screwing with the lives of young minds! If you can’t make their future, stop ruining their present!

Einstein once told “I was born intelligent, education ruined me!” Now I think he was right.