Restauropedia

image

I stay away from my family and usually eat everyday at some or other restaurant or food stall, as I’m too lazy to cook.

When you eat outside everyday, and there’s no one to assort you, then all you can do is observe the surroundings and people around you, while eating that not so delicious dish in front of you.

So here is synopsis of my observations for single visitors (not considering people in groups):

Noisy Muncher
Crip.. Crap.. Crunch.. Munch.. Tik.. Tak…
With all such different sounds, this guy here could be the next best background musician! He can’t gulp even a single bite of food without first making several dozens of weird and irritating sounds with his mouth.

And just to take your irritation to a higher level, they are found sitting very near to your table, or is the sound travelling faster than light here? πŸ˜•

Cute Table-for-Two
These are recently bonded in the bondage of love. So instead of chitchat, silence pleases them more. They find it better to sit quietly, looking into each others eyes. With occasional talks and several minutes of blushing and trying to touch each other stuff, these guys here are your sweet dish, which is way too much sweet to take in for long…

And for some people, they might stimulate jealousy, due to the big void of relationships in their life. πŸ™ƒ

Cool Table-for-Two
Now these are rare, but they are amazing to watch. They inspire you to find and settle with someone, instead of buzzing around the flowers. They look cool together, make fun of everything around them and can’t seem to stop talking and laughing.

They don’t care whether they are audible to the whole crowd or if they are in limelight, they’d have fun anyway! But take care, their chats may require parental guidance. 😜

The Social Net(no)work
Looking at this guy, you’d wish God to give him another hand instead of fulfilling your wishes first. He would be constantly busy trying to rush through the trammel of notifications on his phone from social apps.

While he eats his food with one hand, he uses his other hand and those non-dirty fingers from the first hand to touch his phone. He might even use his nose to touch. If he eats one crumb without using his phone, it would be a miracle! πŸ˜‰

(Un)fortunate Boyfriend
I feel pity for this guy here. His girlfriend speaks a lot, and a lot means A LOT! She keeps on blabbering about some or other thing, which has no relevance to this guy. But as she is speaking, so he has to listen – according to the General Rule Book of Relationships.

He concentrates on multi-tasking by looking at her – constantly nodding and giving mixed expressions of shock, surprise, disgust and amusement. At the same time, his mind is on the food, people sitting at other tables and what would be the score in the semi-final highlights going on at that time… πŸ˜†

(Un)fortunate Family Guy
After being exhausted of the daily trouble at work, this one works yet another shift to take his/her family out on a dinner.

There can be different types of people in this altogether, but one thing is common in all of them. They are hardly interested at all. They are either glued to mobile screens, or some other table or on the match on TV. Their family consists of their spouse trying to grab their attention and kids ruining the table like mad people, and probably another person who is not happy of anything. 🀐

The Flash Eater
While you might have just ordered a starter and were thinking about what to order next, this guy here would have finished his dessert even. Yes, you both would have started at the same time!

He eats his food as if he has a million dollar deal to attend next. His food is just a piece of energy, fat and nutrients for him. He will cut it with a strike and crunch it in just one bite, without any feelings for those tiny little pieces.😱

Mr. Foodie
This guy loves food. He has tasted every dish in the menu and knows about food in detail. He can instruct the waiter to tweak the food according to his style to enhance the flavour. If you wanna find a good place to eat, he’s your living Zomato! And if you are making your own dish, he’s your recipe book.

If it is a new dish, he would analyse each bite slowly and would try to guess all the ingredients. He would eye-gaze at the food well enough before taking his first bite.

Even a tinge of mistake in making the dish and you wish he wouldn’t notice that. Things have to be perfect for this guy. Or at least, he can make them perfect by adding extras himself.😎

The Cutlery Drummer
His spoons are his sticks, and his plates are his drums. And no matter what his dish is, he will produce a not so tolerable drumming sound while eating his food.

His spoons hit the plates so hard, you almost fear the breaking of the chinaware.πŸ™‰

The Waste Machine
Well well well… Look who’s here! They are responsible for the food problem in our country. Or at least blamed for.

They will order things way beyond their capacity. Just because it’s their first date, or a big party, or ‘cuz the boy’s paying, they will order with a big mouth. Then they will take a tiny piece of everything and say “Oh God! I’ve had too much…!” If only they would just consider that before ordering, others would have got fresh cooked food instead of food off their plates! πŸ˜’

The Dirty Toddler
He’s not actually a child, but his behaviour might just confuse you to think of that. He eats in a way that one cannot tell what way! He has no sense of using spoons, and he gives his food to his shirt more than what he eats himself.πŸ€’

The Rule Book
He’s just the opposite of Dirty Toddler. He knows his spoons correct and eats in the most decent way possible. A complete gentleman to assort on a dinner, while you might feel a little inferior about yourself if you’re not into such rules kinda thing.πŸ€“

Master Chef Thief
If this guy comes to the restaurant, he takes something back with him, other than a full tummy.

Spoons, crockery, salt-pepper holder, napkins, complimentary mukhvas or even a bunch of toothpicks – he will definitely bag something. (^_-)
(just came to realize that there’s no one-eyed-pirate emoji…!)

The Stare-crow
Do you feel like you’re been watched? Like a wild cat watches it’s prey right before it strikes then down… Yeah? Then definitely you’ve been having dinner around this fellow here.

He will stare at you every now and then. And when you look at him, he will casually look away and eat his dinner. Or may not. But his eyes will pinch you and you better stay away from that stare-crow. πŸ‘€

Mr. All-alone
He is so desolated, but still has to eat his dinner alone as he has no one to accompany him. His facial expression would imply that he’s the only sad person in the world. Usually, you’d find him drinking too.☹️

The Fictional Someone
I’m putting this up here just to please my little sister, but this fictional character is your dream.

You are eating your dinner quietly. And everything’s ordinary until your eyes meet with this character. Your heart skips a beat and either you go up to her or he comes up to your table. It seems something different than the usual. You guys have a great time together…πŸ‘€
(Remember sweety, it’s just your fantasy!)

P.s.: The references to he or she doesn’t in any way make reference to masculine or feminine genders. It just indicates a person I know… πŸ˜›

Moments of Dumbness

IMG_20151011_173025

Imagine a situation where you and your girlfriend go to watch a movie. And one of your friends, who has also come to watch the movie, to your dismay, calls you, loudly in the hall. You turn and say hey. And he says β€œHey! Wha’up here?”.
(Such an ad has also been made)

You look around for something heavy to answer his dumb question, or to put it right, to hit him on his face. πŸ˜›

In your life you’d have faced many such dumb questions. Sometimes, these questions will give you itchy hands (a desire to beat them up) and other times, it will just make you feel sick. But if we recollect those times, they feel stupid and totally hilarious.

So here I serve you with some Dumb Questions that I have survived…

We Gujuratis have a custom or habit to meet people with a positive assumption of their well-being. Hence instead of asking them how they are, we ask them whether they are having fun. (“Majama?”)

I was sick and was tied to bed by my mother and the doctor. People usually come and pay visit when you’re ill. So different people came in my room in different get ups and having different expressions, but with same question – “Having fun?” (“Majama?”).
O.o

How can I be! I was moving from sickness of body to sickness of boredom, and all I could do was smile to answer their dumb question…

I was having a hard time waking up. The sleepiness was not loosening its hold on me. I went to the bathroom and came back after a few minutes. I took my towel and clothes and was going inside the bathroom that someone in my house asked me -“Done bathing or what?”
O.o

Wasn’t it obvious?

After a hard day at office, I finally gathered the strength to stand up and leave for my bed, which was incidentally at my home. I opened the gate of the front door with bag on my shoulders and keys in my hand (and desperation on my face), that my boss called me from behind – “Are you leaving?”
O.o

No, he had no work or no such intention to keep me put for some more time. He himself was leaving behind me. But sometimes, there’s no limit to dumbness.

I was travelling from market place to home. On my way, I met an old friend of mine. He wanted to go somewhere and needed a lift. But the way he asked for lift was very frustrating…

Friend: “Hey! ‘Sup? All well?”
I replied casually.
Friend: “So where are you going?”
I said I was going home.
Friend: “So how would you go there?”
O.o

I was riding a bike, so definitely I was not going to park my bike aside and take a long walk with him…!

It was raining. I was fully drenched in water. But as I had no umbrella or raincoat or anything with me, I had no other option but to get washed in the rain along with my bike.

I reached office on time, but fully soaked and soaped, thanks to the acidic rainwater causing lather. I was struggling with my bag and leaking clothes to walk as normally as I could. But the quirky office shoes made some crunching noise that all my efforts to walk unnoticed to my desk were washed away (in the rain, of course).

One of my colleague came to me, laughing, and said – “Hey! What happened!? Why all soaked up!?”
O.o

I wanted to answer ‘I had a nice dip in a swimming pool filled with fruit beer!’ but ended up shrugging my shoulders…

It is said by someone great that when you want to reach somewhere in hurry, the whole universe conspires against you to put hurdles on your way…

I was very late for my meeting and, as if this wasn’t enough, my bike got a flat tire.

I was dragging it with me, as that was not a safe place to park it. I was searching for a garage. I asked a person at a tea stall if he knew a garage nearby. He looked at the flat tire and then answered – “No I don’t happen to know any garage nearby. What’s the issue? Puncture?”

I said – “Nah! It is just my hobby to suck out all the air from the tire and take the bike for a ride. Good exercise you see!?” and moved on… (Yes, this time I said it)

Now this one here is epic!

I was in the water closet. It took a little more time than normal as I was wearing formals and I was having difficulty in tucking in my short length shirt (Now that I think about it, I don’t understand it either :D).

When I came out of that door, my boss was standing at his desk and looking over the desks, searching for me of course. He called me and asked – “Where were you?”
O.o

You might not have got the dumbness yet. Let me explain it to you. The way to lavatory in my office is one way and visible to all eyes sitting anywhere across the hall, including my boss. So, when I walked out through that door, things were pretty simple for a dumb person to understand where was I and what was I doing. But my boss is not that dumb πŸ˜›

After my reply there was another epic question – “All this time?”
O.o

When it comes to talking with child, we must leave our brilliant minds aside and talk childish. But sometimes, even grown ups ask children such questions that they are left face-palming.

I was traveling. Besides me was a family with a child, probably of 10. She was inquisitive and kept on asking different questions.

A lady sitting next to the family asked that little girl – “What class are you studying in, little princess?”

The girl replied – “Mummy, tell this lady that I don’t talk to strangers.”

Her mother smiled at the lady and said – “My baby! How do you know she’s a stranger? You don’t know her yet!”
O.o

The girl looked stumped. She looked around rolling her eyes, which then fell on me. I winked at her and gesturing that her mother’s a dumb. She smiled back and nodded in approval. πŸ˜€

We talked several child-teen-little-sister-big-brother stuff that night of overnight journey. πŸ™‚

When it comes to dumbness, no one is exempted – not even me πŸ˜›

I used to see planes passing over my house at night. One day I asked my mother – “Mum, why doesn’t this plane collide with the moon when it passes from it?” O.o

I thought sky was like earth, a huge ground opposite to our earth, with moon being a protruding reverse bowl on the ground (a hemispherical mountain) with lots of street lights on it… πŸ˜€

(Don’t laugh like that! I didn’t even know how to spell moon then, way before pre-school) πŸ˜›

Did you have such moments of dumbness in your life? πŸ˜‰

Roomie-pedia

image

I can’t deny the fact that the time we spent staying away from our family, with our roommates / hostel mates, was one of those memorable times of our life.

We had several instances, events, cases, results, tragedies, melodrama, travesty, ridic and jocose events… It may have been several years, but still we can remember minute by minute dialogues from those occasions.

And also we remember that miscellany of diversified people whom we called our roommates.

This post lists down the varied types of roommates that we come across in our lives.

Silent Roomie
Like Silent Partner in a Partnership, this one never shows up in public. He stays in the same room as us, but no one would know it, not even the landlord. Sometimes, even the roommates won’t recognize this guy. It would be almost a treasure hunt to find him. πŸ˜›

The Blabber-blast
Remember that Duracell bunny? This person never drains off his battery too. He keeps on talking and talking and talking about all the rubbish things possible in our world and alien world together. His blabbering is so annoying that you’d even enjoy your girl best friend or girl friend talk! Remember to keep this guy away when your parent’s are visiting. πŸ˜‰

The Doomed Soul
He’s always sad, always irritated. When you ask him about his day, I can bet you won’t be motivated a bit. Give him any situation, and he can turn & twist it to look ill-fated for him and fortunate for others. Nothing can motivate that person, not even a shower (with or without someone).

The Priest
This fine type of roommate is in abundance in our ‘God-fearing’ world. His prayers are so loud that even that Saturday night DJ would feel dubious of his skills. He would never say a sentence without including God’s grace in it.

The Pirate
Beware the Pirates… Not everyone is fun and helpful like Captain Jack Sparrow! Some pirates just steal and loot and plagiarize. They use your things without your permission.

He cannot be trusted at all. From your mother’s cooked munchies, your clothes and accessories, to your secrets. Nothing is safe with this buccaneer. So, if your shampoo bottle got empty a little too quick, then you know who did that.

The Hungry Beast (Bhukkhad)
Nothing can satisfy our Mr. Bhukkhad. No matter how much he eats (his own and even from your plate), his hunger cannot be satisfied. He will be hungry all the time and your only company for late night hunger games. While he is the most jolly person of all us roommates, but if you’re cooking, God bless you. πŸ˜›

The Sleepy Fellow
The world may turn into ashes, but this fellow will not sacrifice his sleep. Not that he is not interesting. But, most of his time would be occupied in sleeping. He’ll keep several alarms in a span of half hour in the morning, intended to wake him up, but turns into a disastrous morning for you. And never ever, ever, forget the key to the house, while he’s sleeping inside. You’d probably have to sleep outside that day. πŸ˜‰

The Poor Boyfriend
Some people call him lucky, while some feel pity for him… And both are correct! He is so poor that he even doesn’t own his own time! He has to borrow it from her girlfriend. πŸ˜€

This guy here is totally chained from head to toe. Making plans for a night out, forget him. Or else, all he will do is talk to her ‘sweetie pie’! Not that he likes that… But she likes that, and he likes her and wants her to like him back! πŸ˜‰

Girlfriend Grabber
Keep all your passwords protected, as this dude here has all the charm, all the sly and knavish techniques to lure your beloved out of your life, and onto his “to-do” list. Keep her away from him, or that would be the last time she is with you…

The Dumb Dummy
Do you know who discovered a dumb man? A dumber man…! Otherwise, a wise man would not have let the epidemic spread! This one here will sometimes be the tickle bone of your room and while other times he would just make the situation a fiasco. He is not good wingman, believe me. And he is certainly not a person to ask tricky queries. But he’s the best Dummy you’ll ever find for all your evil and escape plans. πŸ˜‰

The Creepy Ghost
They have been probably evolved from cats. He walks with that sky that you’d not know the he is standing right in your room listening to your dirty talks with your girlfriend. Keep an eye out for him. And if you’re weak hearted, don’t stay alone with him at the room.

The Dirty Pig
The most hated of all are these Dirty Pigs. They will spoil almost anything they touch. If there’s a choice, choose not to share a room with them as otherwise, you’ll be lost in their scrapheap. And if you can, rent a separate bathroom for yourself.

The Movie Junkie
This guy does nothing expect watch movies all day, all night. He has no other hobbies, no other problems either. He is great person, but only to watch movies with. He will keep you entertained with his never ending collection and if you are trying to remember that character from that movie that you saw several years back, he’s your man!

The Telephone Booth
Tring Tring… Ah! Don’t worry. If a phone rings, it is got to be for our Telephone Booth guy. He is always talking over the phone. To his mother, brother, sister, friend, neighbor, colleagues, girlfriend, the newspaper guy, the laundry guy… Using any phone that he can get a hold of. Phone locks are necessity for you, if you are to stay with this guy.

The News Reporter
From what’s cooking at our neighbor’s place, to who’s available and who’s dating whom in our society, our news reporter knows it all. Nothing happens without him getting a notice of it. And keep him entertained to keep your secrets a secret. πŸ˜›

The Musician
When nothing is working out, when you feel low and tired with your life, go to this guy. He will play the guitar so well that you’ll almost fall in love with his fingers. πŸ˜›

The Scared Kid
Ah! Watching a horror movie again? Keep him with you… And you’d be amazed how the horror movie turns to a humor one. The scared kid here will go shaky legs by the most lame horror scenes! In case you’re the daring types, don’t keep his company as he will spoil the air with his loose guts in tensed situations. πŸ˜›

The Master Chef
This one is the Angel for all other roommates. If a room has one such guy, they live happily ever after. If anything can at least reach to the level of your mother’s cooked food, this is that guy. A nice friend to have and a perfect roommate for making your room a paradise.

The Lucky Bastard
Mr. Lucky is that guy that you see in the movies. He has money, talent, good looks, great body, cool girlfriend and all the luck in the universe! But he’s a bastard too. And there’s nothing you can do about it. Some bastards are just lucky! If you’re the jealous type, better look away.

The Sarcastic Gagman
He has the perfect replies every time. And he will make you laugh in every situation. He can be so sarcastic at times that you’ll have to tickle your nerves to understand his shot. And wanna prank your roomie? He’s the man with all good ideas…

The Time Machine
No this has nothing to do with time travel. This guy here works like a machine at the time. He has all his day planned up, months booked up and years fixed up..

He does everything on time. He’s never wasting any of his minute and is always occupied with something. Going for some unplanned night out, he’s not free.

The Paid Slave
Poor Rich Guy here is a paid slave in some big company. He works his *** out and is always late from office. Give him any work and he will forget it due to office work pressure. Even his holidays are not his holidays. He spends his weekend mornings shouting slangs for his bosses while getting ready for office. And his evenings pleasing the same person to let him go home.

The Pseudo Parent
Where are you going? With whom? When will you come back? That late? Why? You are wasting your time? You should see where’s your life headed! – all these questions are usually asked by our parents and elders. But here, a roommate is trying (successfully) to become our pseudo parent!

Mr. Sham
All he ever speaks out of his mouth is a sham, a lie. Not necessarily a fraudster, but a person who is habituated at telling things while adding his own flavours and versions to it. Keep your head clear and never believe a word he says. Mr. Sham here is not a good company.

The Good Guy
This guy here does nothing bad. He talks to his parents about whatever he does – bunking a lecture for a movie, late night hangouts, everything. He will not do anything that violates his virtues and ethics. A nice guy, but sometimes not a good company in your risky gambles.

The Fashion Star
90% of his cupboard would be filled with clothes and accessories. He would have matching shades, belts and wrist watched for all his weekly looks. He takes heck lot of time to get ready and is always buying fashion online.

But he’s your man if you’re not sure what to wear on your first date, party night or that important meeting with your customers.

—–

Did I miss any other type? Do tell…

What to do on your birthday?

image

Here are some ways to celebrate that not-so-grand-but-heavily-overrated-celebrationBirthday.

Social Way:
Go and explore your surroundings, you’d find various social causes to which you can contribute in some way.

For example, old age houses, orphanage, place for disabled (I prefer calling them specially abled), etc.

Those people would love to celebrate your birthday. Just go to them with balloons, cake and stuff, if you can, or just empty handed with a big smile on your face. I tell you, you’ll remember that day for whole of your life…

If you can’t find anything, donate blood. Probably cheapest way to help the society.

Nature-Lover Way:
Rise up early and go out to some point where you can clearly see the sun rise up from the ground (literary). See the birds flying, the fresh air and the smell of wet grass.

Go visit some village, if you are not there already. In India, we are blessed with so many naturally beautiful villages which are not taken over by Concrete Monsters :O (Yes, I love cartoons πŸ˜›)

Thanksgiving Way:
Celebrate your birthday by giving chocolates/sweets to people who help you in everyday life, like, watchman, laundry guy, garbage collector, milkman, etc etc.

Emotional Way:
Go spend time with your family, especially your mum. This was the day she first saw you πŸ™‚

Geek Way:
Go online and search the history to get what all happened on your birthday in past.

Bookworm Way:
Keep reading your books, buddy…

Lazy Way:
Keep watching that fan above your head spin round and round whole day long… πŸ˜‰

Food Lover Way:
Give yourself a treat mahn! Go eat out in some amazing and unique place you have never been to… Eat… Drink… Yummmm! πŸ˜‰

Cool (but outdated) Way:
Celebrate it with your friends and family… Go party hard.

Real Cool Way:
Do something new, you have never done before in your life, on each of your birthday… It can be anything, just anything, but it should be new and unique on each birthday. Cool, ain’t it!!! πŸ˜€

My way:
Wake up real late,
Don’t go to school/office or any such boring place,
Switch off your phone and dump all your responsibilities in the garbage box,
Don’t listen to anyone telling you to do anything,
My own manipulated version of ‘Real Cool Way’ stated above, (I won’t tell you what’s that :P)
Play guitar, sing all your heart out, beat those drums real hard,
Take out your Xbox and play Need for Speed like a maniac! πŸ˜€
(Yes, I’m a Music and Games lover too…)

Continue reading

Movie-goers

image

Movies – One of those amazing inventions of mankind… πŸ˜›

Such an amazing experince we have, when we go out on a movie with our friends! Movies are joyful experiences, unless… you know πŸ˜›

So here’s a list of movie-goers. Some are formidable to go out with and some are fun… Enjoy!

The Commentator
The most annoying and irritating fellow! He keeps on reciting the whole plot (may be he has seen the movie, or he has read the review, or does some random guess, whatever!) But he will not allow you to see the movie on the screen without the commentary from the commentary box, right behind you! :@

The Serious Sucker
He’s a total intent movie watcher… He will not move unless the movie stops! He will not answer the calls. He will not even talk to the person sitting besides him. He will not even blink… For the sake of argument. πŸ˜›

The Sleeping Duck
Zzzzzz… Seriously! πŸ˜€ Not that the movie is kinda boring, but this one can’t ignore the dark light, the comfortable seat and the cool air. No matter what the actors are doing, how interesting the plot turns out to be, how much noise the surroundings have, and no matter who is sitting beside, they will doze off like a baby. But hey! What’s this sound!!! (Snores…) πŸ˜€

Mobile Moozer
Why do they come to the movie, if all they wanna do is keep themselves dumped in to their mobile screens! They keep on checking out their mobiles and the light gives effect of a white-light disco-ball. Good you have that talent dude, but plz, this is not the time! Worst are those cases who keep the mobile infront of their face, so the light comes directly on your face. To make it worse than worst, Mr. Fate will give them seat right infront of you πŸ˜›

Long Legs
God makes man. But sometimes, he even makes blunders. Long Legs will sit right behind you, with his over-extended legs hitting right at the back of your seat. He keeps on shifting in his seat, giving you constant kicks behind your back. You can try to look back and share your annoyance. And if Long Legs is a girl, forget that. As you cannot tell anything to girls without being accused of harassment. :-/

Big Buddy
He’s good. He’s talented. And He’s big… He is sitting right infront of you. And he’s blocking your sight. What can be done? Nothing… Change your seat, if possible. πŸ˜€ (Oh and, he might even have a gas-emitter on him :P)

The Blabbering Blab
Someone please shut this blab down!! God! She speaks so much!! She will constantly keep on talking to someone besides her. If no one is interested, then she will talk on her phone. If the battery is down, then she would probably speak to herself. But she can’t keep her little mouth tightly shut. Why don’t they have a Keep Silence Rule placed inside the theatre, you would think… πŸ˜›

Damsel in Distress
I got this phrase while chatting with my best friend today only πŸ˜› But it fits well here… These are those kinda people with whom you can’t watch any movie, peacefully. They would cry on emotional scenes and they would freak out on horror scenes. Not b’cuz the horror is so horrifying, but ‘cuz they are Damsel in Distress. Instead of enjoying the movie, you would have to enjoy their constant actions, and if she’s a girl, she would constantly annoy you with her screaming and scratching you arms! πŸ˜›

Love Birds
Ooo… Holding hands, unbreakable eye contact, loving smiles, playing legs (without footwears) , hollywood-style smooches… They don’t care what happens to the kidnapped little girl, or the bewitched family or the 100 million robbery… All they want is a silent corner and a little privacy πŸ˜‰ But hey! Theatre is a public place, ain’t it? πŸ˜€

New-made Parents
Yes… There life is changed from Love birds to babysitters. There is no one who would keep the baby safe, and they can’t even resist the urge to go watch a movie and live that life they had when they were in those category of Love Birds! But the baby wants attention. So the baby would start crying all of a sudden, with no relation whatsoever with the scene going on the screen… The couple would have a hard time in settling the baby down! And what you are looking at my buddy, your film is going on… Concentrate πŸ˜›

The LOLs
They take LOL literally and seriously implement it in their lives! Be it a little funny comment that the character pass or be it a really funny moment on screen, they would LOL (Laugh Out Loud), literally, taking all the attention to them, and defecting the impact of the comedy on screen. You would think twice before laughing, if on a funny scene, you feel like laughing and that guy isn’t… πŸ˜›

The Humour-o-us-Tragedy
There’s a serious scene going on and someone passes a sloppy comment. There’s a love scene going and someone passes a foul comment. There’s a comedy going on and someone tries to… (Oh shut the f@#k up!) He’s constantly passing comments and trying to make the people around him laugh with his bad sense of humour. Okay, sometimes he hits the goal, but still, he annoys… Make your own movie if you want, dude! :@

Unknown Speaker
You hear this ‘khus-pus’ (unknown whispers) around you. You try to find who’s that person, but the darkness kills your sight. You can’t figure out who he is, but still, the whispers keeps on buzzing in your ears, like a sound after an explosion… :-/

Late Comers
They are always late. And they would always try to find their seat on their own. They would always make mistakes in searching the seat. And they would… always… annoy you by passing by from your seat. :@

The Foodies
*Packets Ruffling* *Efforts to open the packet* *Order Announcements* *Giggles and Yummmms* *Munch* *Smack* *Crack* *Chomp* *Pieces Falling on the floow* *Thwack* *Pop* *Chewing Noises* *Passing the parcel* *The smell* *Burp*…. Anything else to say? πŸ˜›

Miss Too Much
I recently came across this one. She will spoil your whole experience. First she will comment on the seats, then on the audio quality and then on the people around. She will not let you watch the movie peacefully. First she will bring you to a nonsense movie, just because she wants to see it. Then she’ll annoy you by not keeping quiet at all.

During intervention, she will even want you to go and buy her something, not as soon as the break commences but when it is about to end. So, you’ll miss the movie. Further, she will not say it directly, she will just sit there next to you and you are supposed to assume that she needs something. And no, she will never go and buy it on her own.

The worst of all company to be with at movies, also at other places…

The All Rounder
Oh this is me… πŸ˜€ He’s a total enjoyable company to go on a movie with! He will eat, he will laugh, he will cry (okay not like that), he will pass comments, he will keep silence when necessary, he will not touch the mobile (if does, he will make sure he doesn’t annoy anyone), he will keep his volume down, he would take care of the person he’s with, he will not let you get bored (let the movie be whatever), and he will even hold your hand, if need be, or I should say, if she be…umm…you know πŸ˜‰

When You’re Sleeping

image

Sleeping means giving rest to your mind and body. You’re at peace in your mind when you’re asleep (although nowadays, we hardly sleep peacefully). But when we sleep peacefully, lot of things happen around us.

For example, our Earth rotates half of its rotation! So here’s a list of things happening around you when you’re sleeping…

– Drifting of poo-poo: Probably the oldest and the commonest thing to happen in our sleep, when we were kids. πŸ˜›

– Moved to bed: Remember that time when you were so tired that you slept on anything and anywhere you find a place to lie down, but still when you wake up, you’d find yourself on your bed. Sweet memories, isn’t it? πŸ™‚

– Nightmares: You see done horrible and scary nightmares during your sleep… Sometimes they are so weird that we doubt on our nightmare while we are sleeping itself!

– Fairy dreams: Dreams are not always bad. Sometimes, dream comes with such sweet and pleasant images, that our face puts on a smile even when are asleep πŸ™‚

– Tooth Fairies: Remember the first time your tooth fell down? And then putting it below our pillows for the Tooth Fairies… πŸ˜‰ And in the morning the Tooth turns to money, something we loved…

– Toothpaste fight: This one is kinda funny, but some toothpaste say that they fight against evil germs in our mouth throughout the night. Well, they don’t… πŸ˜›

– Tick-tock (clock) keeps on ticking (time keeps on passing)

– Your brain and heart keep on functioning so that you see the next morning

– Bones grow: They say kids grow maximum during their sleep

– Mosquitoes have their dinner party πŸ˜›

– The kid sneaks in to the kitchen to eat that ice cream kept in the freezer πŸ˜‰

– Tomorrow’s To-do’s starts listing in our brain (hate this one)

– Our loved ones give us cuddles and kisses, and admire our love in their life

– Mother checks on your sleep: This probably you know very well, your mother gets up almost every night to check on you and your sleep, mostly when you’re sick…

– Father checks on your naught: Yes they do it too… But they check on your naught, if you know what I mean ;P

– Click click on picture of our crush, ah, those sleepless nights…

– Tap tap by new love-birds doing late night chats πŸ˜‰

– Someone is working hard to put his dream into reality while some people are still struggling to get on their life

– Friends plan to wake you up on your birthday with cake on your face or even something bigger πŸ˜›

– Roommates make fun of your sleeping postures, make videos and share online or even blackmail you πŸ˜€

– Bed partner gets annoyed of your snores, that sound like atom bombs πŸ˜€

– Night’s dinner reflects deaths of millions through air bombs πŸ˜›

– Our parents finally get the time they so love of getting, their privacy πŸ˜›

– Silent death of the person…

– (For me…) While I’m sleeping, all of a sudden such idea sprouts in my mind. I wake up in amazement, although eyes not so open πŸ˜‰ I start the screen and start keying the idea in to words, at least try to… πŸ˜›

– Santa Clause: Ho Ho Ho! Christmas time! How can we forget our Santa! He comes while we are asleep and puts gifts for us under our Christmas Tree… Amazing πŸ™‚

P.s.: (I don’t know why all I adding this P.s.) Today morning when I woke up, I lifted my pillow to find below a Cadbury. But then I remembered that my mom was not with me here in this city, to become my Secret Santa, to keep a chocolate under my pillow when I’m asleep… when I called her to wish her, she told me she had purchased the chocolate, but there was no pillow to keep it under… 😦

Anyway, Merry Christmas!
(Spend all your time with your loved ones, not at the f*?#ing job)

Things that get on my nerves…

image

Not in so distant past, I read a message which so aptly fits our lives nowadays.

I love everyone…
Some I love to talk to..
Some I love to meet..
Some I love unconditionally..
And some I love to punch in their face..!

So I thought of making a list – ‘what makes me really angry / annoyed of something’… And I think it will never end πŸ˜›

But still for fun, here’s an abstract:

– When female gender fights on senseless issues;

– When my roomie forces me to wake up to open / close the door for his awkward movements from the house, spoiling my sleep;

– When I’m trying to relieve myself from nature’s call, and the phone starts vibrating in my pocket;

– When I’m driving peacefully in my speed on the side of the road and someone first overtakes me and then slows down his vehicle to take a turn, which forces me to slow down unnecessarily;

– When I wash my bike and take it for a ride, park it somewhere, and come back to find pigeon shit on it;

– When it is a weekend morning and I wake up to find a message from my boss “Today, we are working…”

– While trying to get the cream out from the pack, after several failed attempts, a huge amount of cream burps out of nowhere;

– At the traffic signal without timer, when it is actually green time for our adjacent side, the person behind me starts blowing horn;

– When somebody takes (steals) away the cleaning mop from my bike;

– When I’m trying to sleep and the door bell or mobile ringtone rings every now and then;

– When my boss asks some stupid question to me and then passes the blame to me to cover up in front of his boss just because I’m his junior;

– When my boss gives me some “urgent” work at the day end;

– When all the important / urgent meetings are scheduled on weekends;

– When Maps app doesn’t work in times when I’m at some unknown place and really need maps direction;

– When people wake up the whole neighborhood in doing their prayers or celebrating their functions / festivals;

– When the mobile battery dries up just when we are about to say something important on a phone call;

– When the downloading process, completed above 90 percent, fails and restarts;

– When the shopkeeper gives me some cheap toffee instead of change;

– When people try to judge me without any concrete base;

– When I’m listening to my favorite track on my mobile and it gets interrupted due to a call;

– When the tree that I always parked my car under gets cut away;

– When websense blocks some useful website; (which is all the time)

– When government officials ask for bribe, even after having enough salary out of our tax money, and even after getting bribe, they never do their job right;

– When the person sleeping next to me burps in sleep;

– When someone driving ahead of me spits from his window and the shit flies on to me;

– When in the swimming pool, someone swimming with me throws his nausea into the water side lines;

– When I’m eating my food and someone calls me unnecessarily;

– When the parking guard asks me to park my car at some other place after I’ve already parked it;

– When I’ve to accompany a person to shopping;

– When different government departments asks for same data again and again for different cards that I don’t want, but have to take compulsorily;

– When it’s the Sunday morning and someone comes and wakes us up;

– When we have just started kissing and there’s a phone call or knock at the door;

– When the female gender never puts the phone down / never ends the conversation;

– When I’m watching a movie (in the theatre) and someone who’s already seen it keeps on giving his commentary (you too my friend);

– When I’m in a line, waiting for one person to complete the sale and the other line besides me completes wholly;

– (Old one) when my Mario died at the last stage of a level due to plug of the gamepad being removed by me, accidently, in excitement; πŸ˜€

– When the soap keeps on slipping out of my hands while bathing;

– When friends say that “You never talk / you never remember”… When they themselves never do, and when they are in circumstances to do and I’m not!

P.s. Writing things that make you angry subsidizes your anger. Try out…by adding your things in the comments πŸ˜‰