​When they say ‘Why’, Ask them ‘How’

A series of Office Psychology discussions about how people behave at your workplace and how you can handle those situations.

This particular discussion is about those cases where your superior starts getting upset about your particular decision (say unplanned leave or even planned leave in some cases).

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Many a times, at our workplace we find that other people start getting upset with our particular official decision. When we communicate that decision to them, they get scared, start making different types of arguments and conclusions and get us scared too.

If we do not handle that situation properly, possibility is that you may end up ruining your relations with that person or may end up canceling / reverting your decision, which is often disheartening to yourself and often your family.

And when you look back at your decision of reverting your decision in the past, you see it very clearly that there was no need to revert the decision and the situation could’ve been handled very easily, even with the decision that you made. That you got scared unnecessarily. That your colleague meddled with your mind in his fright.

So, what to do when we are in such situation?

The answer is simple – Ask questions. Yes, as simple as that.

Asking questions to your superior or questioning his conclusions is a good thing. Don’t get scared of him. And if he’s that type that he’ll make your office life hell if you raise your voice, why haven’t you left him already! You didn’t sign up for slavery, did you?

Let us discuss this with a very simple example – say taking a half-day / leaving office early than the usual time.

Obviously, your manager will get upset on hearing this 90% of the time. Sometimes, his getting upset would be valid, but still there’s hardly a possibility that your absence can’t be managed with other resources.

So when he starts telling you irresponsible on taking this decision or sharing your possibility of taking this decision with him, ask him questions. Ask him what are all the assignments which are due that day or in near future, and discuss with him how your absence for that period will affect those deliverables. Discuss the meaning of ‘Urgent’ status that they give to each and every assignment on hand. See to it that that urgent status is actually urgent, and not just superficially made by your boss.

Many a times, it will be the case that when you ask him the question, he will start faltering. He will lack on substantial evidence or explanation as to how your presence is actually required. He will not be able to justify his concern about your leave and thus, you’ll have your dilemma cleared to make that decision.

This is valid in various other scenarios, apart from taking a leave. Even in official decisions taken by you in your power can be questioned by your colleagues. The best way to tackle such oppositions is through asking questions without seeing their position.

After all, a lower rank on the grade doesn’t mean that you are dump compared to a higher rank person. The worst thing will be him giving out proper justification, and that will obviously teach you for good.

Go on, try this out in the next opportunity you get at your workplace.

Till then, hope you have fun working your but-t out.

Life – A Dream you get to Live

Dream on

Life is a Dream… And not all dreams come true. But are we watching right dreams?

I woke up to see a morning of desolation. I was unhappy with my profession, had nothing to do over the weekend, and was perpetually bored with everything about my life.

I was sipping my sun-view-balcony-coffee when my grandpa came out. ‘Awkward’ was my first thought.

After few moments of silence, he said – “So how’s everything working out with you? Living your dream?”

“Huh! My life sucks. All my dreams are just my mind’s imagination. There’s no magical world in real life. There’s no ‘living your dream’…” I said sulkily.

“And doesn’t that provoke you to dump those dreams, and live for real, instead?” he said.

Me: *Blank face*

He continued “Stop imagining your journey, live it in real. But don’t stop dreaming about your destination. And there you go… Your life would be same as your dream. Sooner or later.”

Looking at my stumped face, he smiled and left. I stood there replaying his words over and over again in my mind.

What this taught me was to stop dreaming that things will work out themselves. If I know my destination, then taking the first step is not enough. I’ll have to take lots of steps, several leaps and jumps to cross the hurdles. And that is not something to dream about. That is something to “do”.

Remember, Life’s the only Dream you get to live…

Colder outside the blanket

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Winter is at its best now. The streets are calmer and the sky is empty. People prefer to go home early. Birds stay inside their cozy chambers instead of buzzing around in the sky. Friends hanging out tend to remain inside the walls now. We sleep early and wake late. We love our warm blankets so much that it becomes hard to let go of them in the morning!

And that is where I found myself yesterday morning… I was wide awake already. It had been almost an hour now that I was playing inside my warm and cozy blanket just because it was colder outside…

I was late by more than two hours that day at office. When I pondered on the reasons, I found that it was mainly due to my morning mollycoddled manners! So last night I tried something else. I didn’t use my blanket. And guess what! The morning was fresher than yesterday’s (although the night was not that cozy)…

Why am I sharing this? ‘Coz this is exactly how life goes…

We are fond of being pampered. From childhood, our parents pamper us, our friends do it too… We hardly like to cross that line of coziness and step on to more difficult ways of life. We like things as they are – simple, comfortable and cozy. And when they don’t, we feel like it is our “bad” time.

We slower ourselves by falsifying care and pampering ourselves instead! We use easy techniques and shortcuts. We fear the idea of facing our fear which can help us overcoming our fear… (Wasn’t it confusing? 😛 ) We dread doing something out of the line. We don’t try any new method just because we are comfortable with the old one.

We all do this! We all dread change. We love comfort. Just look around you, you’ll find several people doing this… Pampering our body, pampering our mind and even pampering our thinking – we stop ourselves from getting hurt by not trying anything at all!

So people, get up! Don’t pamper yourself or anyone else… Not even your kids! Let us and let them learn it the hard way, let them find their own way, their our solution and then if necessary guide them with your experience. But don’t coddle them…

We do not do several things in life just because we would have to come out of our comfort zone. Do them now! Come out of your pampered world.

I don’t really tell my readers to do this, I guess this is the first time… Share this idea with anyone you see pampering anyone. Tell him how he is tying himself to a Cannonball before running the race.

Remember, it is always colder outside the blanket.

Bipolar – a disorder or a choice?

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“Don’t worry, be happy!” – a dialogue that we hear so often these days…

According to surveys conducted these days, many people around us are suffering from bipolar disorder. It means that person has two extreme psychological state of mind where he is extremely happy and enthusiastic and on the other hand is extremely depressed and shallow… but is it really a mental disorder? Or is it that people are choosing this by themselves..?

Our environment is changing day after day and so is our society, our culture and our beliefs. Earlier people used to spend their life learning something new each day or doing the same thing everyday. Anyway, they were happy. Now people try to learn something new everyday or just waste their time doing things comfortable to them. Anyway, they are unsatisfied! Why?

We get sad when no one likes our status on social network. We get sad when we disagree on tonight’s dinner venue with our partner. We spend double the time in editing a pic than in taking some more beautiful snaps! We feel depressed when we see other’s clever display picture. If someone can play guitar, we feel inferior,  even when we are master in painting! We feel irritated by heat, we don’t like cold, we hate mud during monsoon! We get jealous on someone’s pretty face. One day without talking to our best friend, we feel like dying! ‘No network connection’ message on our phone and we are devastated! Next day we apply for MNP!  We like others with the expectation that they will in turn like us… We ourselves are making our lives complicated!

Instead of trying to fake what we are not, why not be ourselves! Accept that people can be better than us in some area! Accept that we can be disliked by someone. Digest that we may not be perfect personality for few people! But for others, we may be everything they have…

For example, I was travelling from some unknown place on earth where only public transportation is available, at least on paper. The 6:15 bus will come at 7:15, then there is traffic jam because people are not following traffic rules, then the uneven roads, the withered condition of bus and not to forget the huddled sitting conditions inside it.

Instead of cursing the people around me, the people of this country and the government, I thought why not utilise that time and do something..! I could have sat there arguing with the driver, taking out my anger on other passengers and cursing the conditions of this country. But I ‘chose’ to write this post, while listening to my favourite pop and rock collection… Instead of being sad and irritated, I chose to be happy!

There was a constant smile on my face, even in that totally pesky condition. Because of my smile, the person sitting next to me felt more comforting to start a conversation with me, than waste his time looking out of the window and waiting for other vehicles to move. At the end, he was smiling too. Because of his smile, the next person felt happy too. Soon the whole bus felt peace and people started choosing to be happy over the option of being sad…

But there was one person in front of me. He constantly kept on cursing different people. Even when we had left that traffic behind and we’re enjoying the cool breeze of summer night, he was still irritated for being there. His face was the worst and he would probably feel better only after two to three days! Now would you choose to be so…?

You may be thinking that this is another be satisfied, love your life, love others kinda bullshit! But no! It is not… I’m no where saying you to be satisfied in life. I’m not asking you to accept the ‘bad’. We should fight against it and ask for our rights. But, is it required to give away our smile in the process?

We have become materialistic. We love our ipods more than our little siblings. We spend time infront of the screen trying to add it up to our friends list. Instead why not hangout with our friends, real ones! But try to find happiness in such temporary events… even the smallest bumper on the road is enough to screw our journey and soon we would be off-tracked!

In the topsy-turvyness of this world, we are faking our identify by being the person we are not. We eat, drink and wear what we think would impress others. And get depressed when we fail in it. In our lives, we fall, we crawl, we break but we take what we get… cuz life’s like this!

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Two Faces

So people let’s not fake it. Remember,  there’s always a choice and the choice is ours to make… Choose to be happy 😉

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Smile Please...