At Sixes and Sevens

An epilogue about my biggest problem…

… …

Being confused…

If those clichés are true, our life is made of our choices and all the events are consequences of our own decisions. So there’s no one else to blame, not even God, fate or luck. It is all you, all the time.

I came to know about this through my parents, teachers and those random advisors I meet during the day. (Who pays them?) And from the time I’ve come to be at peace with this notion, I’m worried, more of dreaded actually. As the one thing I’m worst at is at making a choice.

The usual choice making process for a person goes like:

– Find out all the possible options.
– Strike out the unreasonable and unprofitable ones.
– List out pros and cons of options on hand.
– Compare the pros and cons of each option, and weigh them as per your requirements, hobbies, skills, resources, wishes, principles, etc.
– Make a choice; take a decision.

After all these efforts that one puts in taking a decision, a leap of faith, a hope that it all will turn out well will be born in decision maker’s head, allowing him to concentrate on other important matters.

However, in my case, this never happens. As I’m out of hope growing seeds, my mind never truely accepts the choice that I make. Even after days and even months of fumbling through piles and mountains of facts, reviews and advices; after having done all the analysis and having reached to that position further to which we can only predict the future with reasonable assumptions; I’ll still not be satisfied with the process.

The only thing that can satisfy my hunger of taking a “correct” decision is ‘knowing the outcomes of all the options’. Which is not possible in majority of the important decisions we take in our lives. I mean, decisions like whether I want a Chocolate flavored or Vanilla flavored ice-cream can easily be taken when I’ve tasted both the flavors. But the choice become unmanageable for me when I don’t know how either of the flavor tastes.

From there, my permanent state of dilemma starts, unless someone catches up with me and breaks the clouds of uncertainty for me; or in most cases, takes the decision for me.

And when I think about it, i find it easy when someone takes the decision for me. As then I have someone to blame for a bad outcome, if it ever shows up. I don’t feel regretted for a misjudged choice. And that works initially, in small, immediately resulting choices.

In cases where the outcomes are spread across a longer span of time, things start to become a lot more complicated for me.

Usually in such cases, I don’t trust anyone with the decision making process as the outcomes can be immensely reactive in my life. And I find it difficult to anchor on one choice as I’ll always think what if the other choice would yeild better results. The “what if” question is supposedly human’s best weapon against stagnation, as it keeps the best brains in the world occupied at inventing and discovering what was previously unthought of or was once unknown. But in my case, this has turned into the biggest slacker of my life. It keeps be grounded, undergrounded if I be honest with myself here. It never lets me try anything new and never helps me grow. It’s my biggest enemy in life…

At various phases of our lives, we are faced with a choice, where our decision will take us to a path from which you cannot return. It can be in our personal lives or professional or even in our imaginary world. And while at that point, don’t take too long to take that decision. As the outcome, be it any outcome, is always better than the regret of not trying.

P.s.: Easy said than done!

The financial angle, family angle, the relocation angle, the fear of it all turning out to be worst than today, and your lack of a passion or a favorite always botches up the process. And to add to the woes, I don’t know what I want…

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