She Almost Loved Me

Almost a fictional narrative about a girl who loved me…
… …

Not every one finds true love in their lives. And of those who do, not everyone can realise that fact before already losing them.

I woke up with a grim face. It was Sunday morning and I got up from my slumped position on my bed when the doorbell rang.

I walked up to door without giving a second look to nothing to my way and came back without looking who it was once I opened the door. Nothing mattered to me, except that I wanted to go back to sleep.

Soon I got bored of sleeping, I woke up and took a bath, dressed up and prepared my breakfast. I switched on the TV as that was what I was gonna do for the whole day. I put a random channel with some movie going on and sat infront of the screen.

I didn’t even realize that clock completed three whole rotations and I was sitting at the same place since morning till noon. I had to go for my lunch somewhere.

I entered a random restaurant and ate whatever they served on the plate.

After returning back home, I slumped back on the couch and took my phone in my hand for the first time since waking up. There were several notifications, which I casually swiped through, half even without reading.

While doing that, I saw a notification of a new profile update by her. I quickly opened that notification and stared at her beautiful face for quite a while. She wore a baby pink tee with khakhi shorts and matching star shaped earnings. Her eyes were round and teasing as always. She made a mouse face like a child and all I felt was pain…

In our lives, we are given several opportunities to find happiness. The catch here is that if you fail at finding that limited stock of happiness, you’d definitely find unlimited stock of grief…

There was a time when we were totally crazy into our friendship. We used to talk only occasionally, but whenever we did, we really hit it off.

I still remember when I first met her at a birthday party of my friend and our journey started from then. We stayed in different States and could hardly meet, but that never reduced our emotions for each other.

We used to share our deepest secrets and our deepest fears with each other. We used to help each other in the weirdest of all problems and used to handle the other person’s bothersome habits.

But somehow, in the game of balancing on the string of emotions, we somehow forget that one little jerk may cause a painfull fall.

I completed writing down another story for my blog. It was almost evening and time for exercise. I started doing it as hard as I could, trying to give me more and more difficulty.

Now-a-days I enjoyed watching myself in pain. A day without some trouble wouldn’t count as a day for me at all. And when in some trouble, I would let me suffer to my heart’s content before coming out of it.

Not always, but at times, pain is the best medicine for a hurt heart.

After my workout, I walked out in the balcony to watch kids playing. Watching them play was comforting for me in these otherwise ho-hum days. I missed playing table tennis with her. We had played only once when we met after two years of our friendship on her birthday in her town. That day is engrossed in my mind eternally.

The screensaver started on my laptop which brought me back to this world. I was lost thinking about the time we were together. I saw our photos of the trip to Manali. It was ecstatic watching our pics. We were so great together. But then, not all can maintain the balance in a relationship. And I was poor in that.

One thing led to other and other thing led to another. We were fighting over petty issues. And she brooded at me for several days. I being of that nature never realized that she was sulky due to that incident. I had forgotten that fight the next morning I woke up, but she was very hurt.

After that fight, she used to tell me all the things that she ignored earlier in me and how that made her feel sad and stewed due to my behavior. And I got more and more agitated for the fact that she had never mentioned these things before and we were so good together, how did these things come in between us!

Soon her behavior changed. Her emotions for me were wearing off. She was moving away from me while I was still trying to identify the issue that led to this time in our relationship. All things aside, but she couldn’t heal off the holes left in her heart by my thorns, my actions.

Emotionally hurt person has scars all over the body, just not visible. With each breath that he takes, with each pump of blood in his veins, those scars are touched again, are scraped again, with the claws of his broken heart, trying to stay alive…

She was a girl who understood me more than myself. And she knew that I wouldn’t be able to understand what she felt or why she is changing. And so she moved, slowly, away from me. She knew that this would scar us both, but she did it for her happiness. She would have always felt graveled with my behavior and attitude towards life. And she left, without breaking me into pieces, without tearing me apart… But without her, what was I, a scrambled soul.

As we had never told each other about our love for each other, there was no breaking up. It was just a parallel shift from being great together to just being us, not together.

Even today we talk and share a laugh or two. But times have changed. It is not the same as before and it won’t ever be. She took a turn in her life and moved on to be happy. While I’m standing on that turn, thinking about where to go, as without her there’s no journey left in my life.

My phone rang and my friends were meeting up for a late night party and booze. I got ready and walked in the party with a big smile on my face. My friends cheered me welcome as being the most beaming person of the group.

Up above the stars watched me spread joy and humor in the group with my, sometimes pesky, sense of humor. But the moon went behind the dark clouds, so that he had not to see me as I acted out my condition infront of the world.

At night, I try not to remember her. For if I let it be, I wouldn’t want to wake up from my dreams. I will see those dreams when I finally lie on my last bed.

Togetherness ought to be the biggest sin, for it takes away the life out of our heart when it finally stays no more…

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