“Are you alive or just waiting to die?”
I was driving to my office and saw this billboard on the way about some Club or something. But the line above got marked in my brain.
I kept thinking about my daily life. How was it before 6 months and how it has turned out now… I was supposed to be happy – I had cleared my professional course in stiff 3% passing result, I had a job in a reputed company and life was smooth. But I didn’t feel ‘happy’ at all!
People now wish me, congratulate me, that I have achieved things in 20 years of age and I should be proud of that. I felt happy to hear all that. But then, again I thought about it… Do I actually feel like being in early 20’s?
From a student, all of a sudden, I was transformed to an employee; from a boy to a man… Earlier people used to smile at me when I would be watching ‘Tom & Jerry’ on Cartoon Network or playing GTA Games on my PC. And now, when I speak of it, they give me weird looks! Earlier, I used to roam with friends and they used to say “He likes exploring!” And now when I do that, they say “Don’t roam like a Vagabond! Concentrate on your job!”
Talking of planning my life, I used to plan my weekends with family and friends, parties and hangouts! Now I plan my income statement, my goal of buying a home, car and other stuff for me and family…on weekends! Earlier, my mornings used to be fresh, I used to come out of bed without any help of alarms, I used to walk out to my balcony and watch the pigeons make funny movements with their heads and tried to imitate them for hours! And now, it has been months that I had been to my balcony (except to dry the clothes).
I lost half a dozen of my friends (as I used to call them), b’cuz they think that I have developed ego on getting a job and all, and that I do not find it fun to spend time with them or even give them a call. But no one asked me once that whether I am free enough to talk even to my parents at the end of the day? Am I happy enough that of how things have turned out? They say that at least I could have forwarded a message! But none of them remember, I have never done it, even before when I was free all day…
At night, I used to watch movies and then sleep, dreaming in my dream world about my angel and superpowers and stuff… And now, I hardly dream about anything! I usually get up surprised in the morning that how come it dawned so quickly!
In school, we were told to study hard, that we could have fun after school. After school, there were grades to look forward to, fun was not the priority even then. And then came college, which was totally not like we see in movies or comedy series. And then the professional course never let us remember the fun once we wanted to have in our lives.
And now, after all the busy years gone, I appeal to have some fun, I get the remarks that now the time to have fun is gone! That my life has shifted to a new gear and that I will have to maintain that seriousness in life! That now I am a grown up. And that I should start acting like one…
And I’m like – “Hey! WTF! I missed something here…!!!”
I feel like I have grown up from 20 to 50 in just 6 months… Or the society and parents and relatives and teachers made me grow old so quickly.
Did you feel while reading the post that I was speaking all from inside you? Do you feel the same?
People tell us that we can have fun while working and having our responsibilities… I ask them, do you really mean that? Will it be the same as it was before?
They say that the sooner you accept the reality, the happier you’ll be! I ask, will it be happiness, will it be satisfaction? Or just a compromise…
If at all there is a way we can reverse the clock, where would you want it to stop? I would like it to start from the early days, when we were not crushed by responsibilities. I would take responsibilities with me while having fun…
Time is never enough. But it is, as much, in our control.