Girl Infant speaking with God

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After the natural reproduction procedure I was formed inside my mother’s womb. I was still just an egg as of now, which had been hatched with male sperm. God gave the “life” inside my body structure. I started growing inside my mamma…

I don’t know what the world will be outside. I wondered what my mamma looked like. And then I even wondered how I would look like. I had never seen a human before. I asked God about it, but he never replied…

Slowly and gradually, I started growing. My body started taking its form. I could visualise how would I look like when I get outside this bag. But how would I get outside? There was no way going out! There was just one tiny opening from where I’m sure I won’t be able to go out! I again asked God about that, but he didn’t reply. Then I stopped asking God. Maybe he doesn’t answer to us. Maybe there is no such thing as God. But then who gave me life? Is it my Mother? Yes… it is my mother! She is carrying me inside her! Of course there’s no such thing as God! It is my mother… I was growing both physically and mentally now!

One day I felt much warm inside, actually it was getting hot! The walls of the bag started moving down. I got scared. So I tried to inform my mother by kicking with my legs on the walls of this bag. Nothing happened. It was getting hotter and hotter. Then all of a sudden it stopped. The walls were back to their normal position. I tried to hear what was going on outside. I put one of my ears to the walls and I heard someone crying. Who was crying? And why? After a while, I found out that it was my mamma crying. I started crying too! No mamma, don’t cry! I’m alright! The heat has subsided now! Don’t worry mamma!

But she didn’t stop crying. I heard another voices… they were scolding my mamma. They were cursing God! They were telling my mother a “bitch”, what was that? I heard more… A male voice said “You brought curse to our family! Why did you make this girl child! You fucking bitch!!” And there was an earthquake in the bag. The walls started moving abruptly. I fall on my face but thanks to my mamma, she has made the walls so soft that nothing hurt me. But what happened outside? Why such trembling here!? I asked my mamma…

My mamma was crying… She was talking to herself. She said “Why God!? Why did you give us a girl child!? Why did you do it! You know how bad it is for me and my family! Now they will kill her! They will kill me baby…!” And she started crying again…

I shouted “Mamma! Mamma! Don’t cry mamma! Are you talking about me? Are they going to kill me!? But why? What did I do? I haven’t even seen the outside world! Why are they killing me mamma!? Why am I so bad?”

She never replied… I wondered how did they know that I was a girl child! Then it came to me… that sudden heat inside this bag must got something to do about it. They must be having some sort of machine with which they are able to see inside these walls! Oh God! So are they going to kill me inside this bag only! Would I even not be able to see the world?  As always, No one replied…

One day, the walls of the bag started to tear apart. There was some pointed thing piercing inside. It pierced me inside my body. I got severe pain all over my body. I kicked so hard to my mamma, wriggling in pain, crying to my death! Then I died…

My soul got out of my body and moved to the outer world. I could see anything but I guess the lady lying there would be my mamma, because she was crying for me… for my death! Everyone else was celebrating… My mamma was crying but still thanking my murderer to have killed me. He was wearing a white coat with different equipments in his hands. I was surprised to see that why was my mamma relieved on my death! Was I so bad that they killed me before even coming out of that bag inside my mamma!?

My soul got pulled to heaven. There God was in front of me… I looked at him with disgust! I wanted to shout, to curse him to be like me! But his smile relaxed me… He came near me and said “Don’t worry child! I’m gonna answer all your questions now…”

God showed me a visual of a human. He said if I had grown up I would have looked like this. And I had already seen my mother. Then he showed me how a child is brought outside the bag. I was shocked to see that! My mamma would have faced so much pain if I was brought out after I had grown up! So this must be the reason I was killed…

“No child it isn’t! Both for girls and boys, it is the same procedure!” God explained me.

“But then why did they kill me…?” I asked.

“I don’t know…” God replied.

I was again angry at him. With all his powers, his stature and he doesn’t even know such simple question! Who made him God?!

I asked him “Can you show me how would my life be if I… if I had… if I had taken birth normally? Can you do that for me?” I was chocking now. I was so grieved that I could see the world…

“Of course my child!” God replied.

He brought another visual in front of me out of thin air. (I wondered how he did that!) There I was… in my mother’s lap. She was talking to me. She was feeding me. I was happy. I loved my mamma…

Then a man came from behind and kicked my mamma! She shouted in pain. He kicked him again and said “You bitch! You brought that scum to our house! Screw you, bitch!” He was pointing at me! He moved forward and gave a kick on my stomach. I cried in pain, but couldn’t do anything about it. My mother too was crying.

Next visual showed me that there was another child in mother’s lap and I was sitting next to her. I was admiring my brother. How cute he was! Then my dad came. I ran and hide behind the cupboard.  I was scared to come infront of my dad. He would beat me for pleasure… He took my brother in his hands and started playing with him. He said he loves him so much. And that he was a gift for him from God. I wondered what was the difference between me and my brother…!

Then God brought another visual. I was going to school. My brother accompanied me. I asked dad to drop me but he bluntly replied a no! In the school, all boys made fun of me. They teased me. They hit me and touched my body parts! I complained to my teacher about those boys. But my teacher said to me “If you can’t even handle few boys, how would you compete with them in the world!” I stood there crying…

My mother came to school next day. She scolded those boys and even talked to my teacher. But nothing changed. Instead it all grew wickedly bad…

In my house, my dad’s friend used to come often. He used to give me chocolates and gifts that he brought from outside. I used to share my stories and secrets with him. I liked him. But one day, he took me with him to the terrace. There he forced me to remove my clothes and to kiss his body parts! I was so devastated… I told my mom about that but she told me to keep quiet and tell no one about all this.

She talked to that uncle and my dad and that uncle never came again. But my dad removed all his anger on my mom and me by beating us with sticks…

God brought another visual in front of me. My brother was older now. He was going to school. I was standing at the door of the house. I asked God what happened why am I not going to school with my brother? God replied “You are now not sent to school.” I watched further. I was doing all household things. I used to work all day long. But then too my dad never loved me…

When I grew up to 18 years,  my father married me without even asking my opinion. I was forced to go to a new house with new people. My studies and my self learning were never helpful to me as I was never allowed to put them in use. If I tried to make my name in the world, the world would shut me down…

At my husbands place, I was given all the love and care till I asked him to study more and go to work. They never allowed me. I asked them to let me learn dancing. I loved dancing. But they never let me do even that. They told me “If you want to dance, you can inside this house. There is no need to go outside for it. And if you will work, who would do the household works!”

I wondered why was I born! All the visuals showed me that my life would have been much more difficult than the death I experienced. I even understood why my mother wanted to kill me. She knew that if I was born, I would have suffered a lot lot more…

The last visual showed me lives of other girls in the world. Even then the conditions never got any better for our kinds. We were never considered in any decision making. Our opinions were never relevant. Our likes dislikes never mattered. We were forced to live our lives the way other wanted. And instead of improving the conditions, people just played around the bush! Politics were played on the topic of women empowerment, reservations and concessions served no purpose if the mentality of people as a whole do not change!

Modernisation has crept our society. Now people speak of equality and peace. But are the crimes against us reduced? No… Is the society’s mentality about females changed? No… Can a girl live her life the way she wants in this modern world without attracting critics and rapes…? No… All because she is a girl! Why?

I was crying there. I so missed my mamma who loved me. God put a hand on me and asked “Do you want anything else?”

I thought for a moment and asked “Yes God! Just last question… What is my mistake in being a girl? Or should I ask WHAT IS MY MISTAKE THAT I AM A GIRL?”

God didn’t reply to her questions… Can we?…!

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